Blessed.

I am just so blessed. I have a healthy, happy son, a boyfriend who treats me so well, and a roof over our heads. If I think about the "little" things, I have everything I need! I am also blessed to have a job, friends, school, family, etc. I love my life!
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How crazy

December has just been a CRAZY month for us. So many ups and downs within our household: money problems, school taking over my life, Cole going through some terrible 1 and 1/2's! (Is that supposed to happen?!)
I still pride myself on being a one woman show, but the truth is, I'M NOT! I have a wonderful boyfriend who stays at home with Cole, cleans, cooks, takes care of the home front, I have my mother and Andrew's mom that help us out when we are short on money, and my dad who is always there for us with money and advice as well. I am not a one woman show, and this Christmas I want to show my appreciation for those people THE MOST. I love my family and they are it! I know we don't have a lot of money, but I do want to make sure I show them that I truly care and appreciate everything they do for me.
On another note, I'm done with fall 2011 semester of college! Woo Hoo! As of this moment I've passed all of my classes with a C or higher. So proud riiiight here! :)
I hope everyone is planning on having a great Christmas! Even with our money troubles we are getting by and I hope to continue doing so as we bring in the new year. God bless! xo

complain, complain.

You know, I realize that there are people that are less fortunate than me, but I feel pretty fuckin' unfortunate right now. Money is always hard to come by for us, but it sucks even more right now. What am I going to get Cole or Andrew for Christmas? Well, nothing, because I don't even have money to buy groceries. I'm so sick of this. I mean, my mom tells me to ask God to help me but I do. And has he? Well, sorry to say this GOD, but no he hasn't. I completely have faith that ONE day I'll finally be able to relax and not have thoughts of "what are we going to eat today?" because we have 2 things in our fridge and some random cans in our cabinets. I'm just really sick of living this way. It's really no way to live. It makes me ill and I'm always feeling tired, sick to my stomach, or cranky because I just don't live a normal life anymore. Yes, I put myself here but FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sorry for the profanity but I can't yell that out loud right now because Cole's sleeping and I need to get something out of my system for now at least. I hate ranting and raving but UGA;LKJSDF;LAJF;LAJ, I'm just sick of my life. I really, really am. Not very many things can make me happy anymore and that's just so sad. Hopefully when I ready this in a few months, I'll be looking at this point thinking "Wow, I'm so glad I got past that." not something like "I wish I could go back there bc now we're even worse off than before."

WHY do these money problems keep coming our way. What kind of karma do I have built up on me?
I'm just seriously so, so sad.

So.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so mature. I miss going out and having so much fun! I used to be a party animal and I don't necessarily miss that, but I do miss going out with my friends. I actually used to get invited to things and would go out. Now, I'm bored on the weekends. Andrew tries to entertain me, but I can tell he's bored too. I just don't know what to do anymore. I only have like 2 friends here and both of them have their own "party agendas" that I'm never invited to or know about. It does suck, I'm not going to lie. But it also sucks trying to find a babysitter so I'd rather have people come over here. But then I feel like it's boring over here. waaah :(

On another note, I've also run in to a fashion crisis. I have NO clothes. Well, obviously I have clothes, but not many. I used to know exactly how to dress, I looked cute everyday. I was never caught dead with my hair pulled back in a messy bun or in sweats, and now that's turned in to my wardrobe. I wear yoga/sweat pants, a t, a hoodie, and moccasins everyday. And my hair is alwaaays in a pony with a headband. Seriously. And I rarely wear make up. what to do? I don't have money to go buy some new clothes, so I have to make due with what I have. 2 pairs of skinnys and a bootcut flare jean, 1-2 dresses/tunics, a couple of tanks, 3 cardigans, maybe a couple of v necks. and a loooot of t shirts. For shoes, I have a pair of really cool/cute nike high tops, black bootie moccasins, black ugg bearpaw boots, black sequin sperrys, and um maybe like some random clogs. Help me out?! How do you guys dress? Maybe send me some ideas if you have any, I'd love any help! I want to feel pretty again!

Oh, one more thing. I got in a freakin' car accident on Wednesday and my car might be totalled!! seriously? it sucks, but I get a rental car tomorrow. Here's to hoping I can afford it!! Everyone have a great night/week.
Muah xo.

I hope people actually read this...

...I feel like I have a story to tell. Of struggles, succeeding, fighting, late nights, high school, college, work, etc. I feel like, hey, my story is actually worthwhile to tell kids about, hoping that they don't get in the situation I've put myself in.
I'm not famous and my life isn't broadcasted to all the world to see like the lovely ladies of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2, but I feel like I may be able to help in some way. Maybe not right away, but I hope that in my career, I can help those that want to hear. :)

xo babes, good night.

y'all..

I've been reading through my old posts and it's CRAZY to see how much I've been through in the last couple of years. It's been SO tough but I'm definitely blessed with an amazing family and friends as well! I am so blessed to have my son, with a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, and food (sometimes only a little) to eat.
I'm stressed to the max with bills that need to be paid ASAP! It's very stressful but I'm trying to keep a level head and I'm working my ass off! There's nothing much else I can really do! Please pray for us, that would be amazing!

xo!

...

I never post here, but most of the time I think it's pointless. My life is like a full rotation: good, great, bad, worse, weird, and then back to good. It's all the same and right now it's "good". So yeah, that's my "updates" there!

Vent:: I've been trying to get food stamps and Medicaid for Cole and it's a hell ride. seriously. I've applied 3 times since August and WOW still nothing. They'll send me a letter saying what they need from me, the deadline, then I'll send it BEFORE the deadline, and then they send me a letter a couple weeks later saying they need MORE and don't understand my pay stubs, and A DAY later, they send me a letter saying my app was DENIED because I didn't give them the necessary paperwork. GRRRRR SO MAD!!!


Anyway, we're super strapped for money and I'm just getting irritated about it. I hate being in this situation especially because I want my baby boy to have everything and anything and it makes me sad I can't give him that :( wah.

Well, I'm going to go, I have a lot of homework to do, and I'm tired.
Night! xo