These are trying times, people.

Gah. These days have been so frustrating. I don't know if I'll make it through terrible two's. Not only that, but I'm stuck in my house all.day.long. I don't hang out with anyone, I don't even really have friends anymore! It's so maddening and I don't even know what to do. I find myself so short-tempered lately, and I feel like a lot of times it goes toward my sweet baby, which is not fair. Sure, he is more frustrating than ever, but it sure doesn't help that I will occasionally just yell. That does nothing! But, Cole is crazy these days. I mean seriously, I never knew that a toddler could make me cry at least once every day. He throws the worst fits, especially in front of people. He'll throw himself, hit me, scream bloody, and so many other things, it's so embarrassing. I almost always break down right there. It's just so hard to feel like a strong or good mom when those things are happening. It really breaks my heart every time. My sweet boy is not-so sweet anymore.

I'm going to keep trying to do my best, but soon, I think it will get to be too much. I need to get out more, even if it is just myself, so I don't get so overwhelmed with home. I also need to start working more so I don't feel so incompetent around here. It's just so hard only having one car. Who would've known that even at this age, I still feel like life is ahead of me, we're playing a game, and I have no idea how to play. I know I'm so young, but it's a frustrating feeling having such  grown up responsibilities without having the years or knowledge. I don't know if I really want these responsibilities anymore, and that's also frustrating, I made a choice that is here for the rest of my life without even thinking about any consequences, but here it is, laid in front of me, for the rest of my life.

I know this is kind of "complain-y" and sounds like I may just want to give Cole "up", but I don't. I made the decision to keep him when I did, and that means I'll keep him throughout the terrible two's and the even worse teenage years ;). Thanks for reading my rantings. Anyone else feeling like this lately?

Just imagine...

...When I was around 26 weeks pregnant, I applied to be on 16 & Pregnant (what was I thinking?!) I know why I did, I wanted to show the world that it's not exactly ok to be pregnant at a young age, but it won't hinder the rest of your life. In a way, I'm *really* glad I didn't get a slot on the tv show: I would hate all of the paparazzi, attention (a lot of times negative), not being able to have my "normal" life, and having people have an intimate look on my *very* rocky relationship during my pregnancy. The biggest reason I'd even *want* on that show, is to show young women to be careful when having sex! Especially unprotected. It may be "whatever" in the moment, but it's not so whatever when your fate is handed to you on a stick you pee on. I still want to show young women that you need to be careful, but to also have a plan if a surprise ever finds them. I feel like I can be that role model for young women who don't want to be in my situation, or find them self in a situation similar to mine. I really don't know how I want to do it, or how to get started, but I really plan to do something like that.

Teen Mom: The Final Season

Oh my gosh, can you believe it! The original 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom girls are in their last season. It starts June 12 @ 10 pm on MTV. I'm very excited to "catch up" with them again. It does bring up some emotions though, because during the first season of Teen Mom I was pregnant! So these girls are girls I had something in common with. I learned parenthood with. It makes me *very* emotional actually. Just thinking that their kids are turning 3, makes me realize that Cole's just about to be 2.
Where has the time gone? Where is my little newborn who would cry a sweet little cry, or my infant who was just learning to eat solid foods. Now he's a toddler, entering his terrible two's. He makes and breaks my day, gives the best kisses, says please and "gracias", and loves with his whole heart. Ahh, it's really sad and exciting to see him grow up. Sad just because I know he won't always be my little boy, but exciting because I get to witness his learning and growth.

Anyway, watch the Teen Mom trailer here! This season won't disappoint!
xo

Coley Guacamole!

Wow, he's been a handful lately! I give all mother's props who have been through this stage, it is TOUGH. He'll be 2 in 2 months, and he's already entered the "terrible" stage. Who would've thought my angelic boy could break my heart everyday with the way he acts? Seriously, heartbreaking. 2 nights in a row now that he has screamed bloody murder because he has to go to bed. Cried because I was so overwhelmed. Can't do it another day!
He is pretty good for everyone else, it's just mommy that he's got wrapped around his finger. :(
Hopefully I can get the hang of dealing with a terrible two's monster, but only time will tell. I need to be strong!

Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's day to all you special mama's! I hope you at least get a break from your duties today!

I'd like to go ahead and dedicate this to my mom: Alma. She has done so much for me my whole life, and especially in the last couple of years. I don't even know where I'd be without her! She has also become one of my best friends. It's so nice to have someone with experience to talk to! She's also an amazing Grandma, some days I'd go insane if she didn't take him for a few days. I love her so much and will never measure up to what she has done for me as a mother, but all I can do is thank her and appreciate her. So thank you, mommy, for all you've done. I wouldn't be half the woman today without you. :)

I hope one day Cole feels the sake gratitude towards me.
Xo

Justin Bieber's Mom.

So, for all of you that don't know, Justin Bieber's mama was also a teen mom! I didn't know this until I watched Never Say Never (J.Biebs movie). Today, the Biebs released his new single "Turn To You" a Mother's Day Dedication to his mom! I really like the song and it's amazing to hear that this teen mom did it like the rest of us are doing it now! Look at her son, amazing! She did a wonderful job. It makes me aspire to do even *better* for Cole. So if you haven't listened to it, here it is! Enjoy
xo

Cars and other things.

GAH. Why do cars have to be so expensive?! Right now we've been using just my car, because I haven't been able to drive anyway (I got my license suspended in March). Now, I'll be getting my license back next week-ish, and I still won't have a way to get around. I hate asking for rides, but that's the only way I can get anywhere. Andrew works as a delivery driver, so he uses my car for that, which is fine. But when I get my license back, I'll only be able to work around his schedule. BLAH. The only way we'll really be able to get a car for him is if he takes out a loan, but paying a loan every month, on top of car insurance, on top of getting plates, on top of rent, on top of bills, on top of LIFE, would be really hard you know? Meh, I stress myself out way too much, but this is the truth, now isn't it. Life would be so much easier if money wasn't one of the biggest factors out there.
RANT OVER!


On a good note, Andrew and I got the new apartment, for sure. :) We got our "acceptance" letter today and we move in some time next week, but we get our keys and sign the lease on the 7th! YAY. So at least that's good :) Thanks for letting me rant, y'all.
xo C