Baby boy.

In a little more than 12 hours, I will officially have a 2 year old. Um, what? Yeah, 2. Agh, I can't believe it, AT ALL. My little baby is a baby no more. He's talking, running, singing, drumming, etc. He is crazy! He puts sentences together, learns words just by listening to people's conversations, and is just such a big boy!
I'm so proud of be this little one's mama! To think that 2 years ago, I was in the hospital at this time having contractions. I was actually waiting to get my water broken so my labor would progress! And now here I am, entering the terrible 2's with my gorgeous son.
As I sit here, he's throwing a tantrum, and the next minute, he's coming up to me saying "Hi mama, wah you mama." How can I get mad at that? ;)
I'm so excited to see what this next year brings for my family and I! We had a birthday party for Cole this past Sunday, so as soon as I get all of the pictures, I will post a couple here :)

xoxo
C

S#!t's about to get real....

Ok, every one that reads this blog knows how much I love Teen Mom and 16&P. I can relate to it fully, I really can! We all go through similar hardships and I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only mother going through this. The thing that has been bothering me lately, though, is the "glamorizing teen pregnancy" question and claim that the show has been receiving. Up until today, I always said "NO WAY!", but now, I'm thinking "Maybe it does..."

Being a young mother myself, I know the hardships I am going through. Just thinking if I had a camera in my face, I might not be going through all of this. My family is struggling with money issues *so hard* that I can't pay all of my bills and I have to work *every day* to ensure that things do get paid, even if not on time. On the show, you never see these girls going through money problems. Maybe in the first season, yes, almost everyone has a job and has something go wrong with money, but now? They all have new cars, new houses, they've bought their own homes, moved to new places, etc. Gah, it bothers me! I do realize that these girls do other things than just be Teen Moms, but they started on the show and made money off of the show. Now they are probably set for a while, if not for life! Not even to mention that their kids probably have their college paid for once they get there. It's so disheartening because I'm sure to young moms, this is something they could have if they could get on the show. So in a way, yes, this show is glamorizing being a young mom. It's sad, because, I don't know how to say this without sounding entitled but....I feel like if they can have it so easy at this age, why can't I? And the reason why I can say they have it easy is because I am also a young mom. I got pregnant at the same time they did, I had a baby as a teenager just like they did, but they are riding around in nice cars and buying houses while I'm struggling to pay my electric bill before my rent takes all of my hard-earned money. It makes me sick, it really does. I'm so glad that those girls got a big "break", although I do agree that they did have to give up a lot of privacy, but they are taken care of. They don't have to worry about things like I do. Maybe I'm just bitching because I'm going through a lot of things right now, but having a pay check like they do would be so helpful in this moment. I just hate living like I am. Being uncertain about so many things in my life, it makes me very emotional and although being emotional at times is ok, I'm sick of being like this every day.

How do you get through tough times?

xo
C

Am I really happy?

Right now, I'm not sure. I've been fine, but fine is not happy. Fine is just that, fine. My relationship is fine, but I feel that we've been suffering lately. We've been together for about 3.5 years and have definitely had ups and downs (just read old posts in this blog!!) but have definitely gotten to a good place. Now that we are here, I just feel that we don't know where to go with it. We both love each other completely, that's not the problem. The thing is, we are not used to this relationship. We are used to a volatile, unhealthy relationship. We didn't hang out that much, and when we did it was partying. After I got pregnant, Andrew still wasn't stepping up and was gone all.the.time. I barely saw him unless it was convenient for him. Even when Cole was born, Andrew was out multiple times a week at all hours. It was frustrating, but I got used to being with him, but without him. Now that he's not the "party" guy anymore, it's different. It's something that will take time to get used to, only because it's a whole different world for me.

Anyway, Andrew and I sat down tonight and chatted a little bit. He's really missing Grand Island and his friends there. I completely get that. Andrew doesn't really have friends in Lincoln and I think it's bringing him down. I hate to see him sad or lonely or just frustrated. I, on the other hand, do not really miss GI. I miss my mom, I miss living in her house (rent free, hello!), I miss being young and free, but I don't actually miss being there. I like Lincoln. I like my freedom. I really like that I'm doing what I wanted to do; baby or not. So, here's the dilemma. I don't want my boyfriend to be unhappy, because that makes our relationship suffer. I want him to be happy, because I want to happy with him. What do we even do? It's confusing...


xo

Look at that face.

"everything I do, I do for you." This can be applied to many things in life, but especially applies to my little man. Seriously, my life revolves around him. I can't believe I went from being 100% about me to all about Cole. I love it though. I work so hard to make sure my family stays a float and Andrew is doing a great job as well!

In other news, I got a second job! We were doing okay as it was, hut my serving job can be so unpredictable that I needed to find a laid back second job. So I'm working at a tanning salon that is getting ready to open. It's minimum wage, but at least I know what I'm making for sure when I go in there instead of hoping to make so much money. I will still keep my serving job, because there are days I make *great* money, but at this point, I want a change of pace and a paycheck. And this job is so laid back and easy that it will be a nice break from working in a restaurant. I feel like a stereotype though. I'm a young mom, struggling, now with two jobs. I don't care, I think I'm doing a good job. I am sad that I'm giving up time with Cole, though. I hate that, but I will have evenings off that I will be able to have supper and play time with him. I also het breakfast and a little play time in the morning. I'll just have to make the best of my situation. One day I'll be able to spend all day with him and I hope he never resentment towards me in the future. Obviously he won't remember this time, but I'll always be working 2 jobs or working a job and going to school and I'm going to be struggling for awhile. It's what I set myself up for by getting pregnant so young. By having a child so young. By being so irresponsible, I have in turn, made myself so responsible it hurts! No, but really, my life is about to get 10x more hectic than it already was!

Hopefully, I'll still have "me" time once in a while and friend time would be great! We'll see how everything goes, and I hope I don't go insane!

Xoxo

Boys vs. Girls

I'm currently watching Dance Moms (why? I don't know, background noise I guess.) and it made me think of the drama behind moms of groups like this. Obviously, we see that most of the drama of this show is between the dance teacher, Abby, and the moms. The kids just have to deal with their crazy moms. This reminds me of my sister being in cheer leading and my mom never wanting to go to any meetings or anything really having to do anything with the parents because of the drama between the parents. If there was something they didn't like, there was drama, and my mom's not like that. Sure, there was drama between the cheer leaders as well, but that comes with the territory of a bunch of teenage girls.
So, this makes me think. Is it the same way with boys and sports? Is there drama between parents and coaches, or just between parents? I want Cole to be involved in a lot of things, if he likes them. I also want to be very involved with anything he does, I just want to know if I will have to prepare myself for drama. I hate drama, but I don't want it to stop me from being involved with his sports or extra activities! So let me know, if any parents or family were ever involved in football, soccer, or hockey and if there was animosity or drama between parents.

Pregnancy/Motherhood Reality TV

We all know my blog is based off of being a teen mom and the show's 16&P and Teen Mom. Well, more and more, I've seen other shows on tv as well, even if it's just a "special" episode. Last year (or longer) I watched a show about a school for pregnant moms and young mother's to help them finish high school. They accommodate the children to make it easier for mother's to focus on school. Well, today, I watched the show Birth Moms, and realized that one thing that a lot of shows are failing to show, is how hard it is to be an adoptive mom. Sure, MTV shows Catelynn Lowell through her adoptive process and beyond, but that's where it stops. It was nice to see other mother's doing the same thing (although these girls are more troubled than our loved TM's). The show was heart-wrenching because all of these women were not first time mother's, so we think, "why give up a second or third child?" We can't answer these fully based off the show, I don't know these girls, but a lot of what they talked about was finances. Financially not being able to care for a child. Let me tell you from a first hand experience: having a child is EXPENSIVE! And yes, I did capitalize and bold that word, because it really is! I don't make much money, Andrew doesn't make much money, but what's weird is that although he makes minimum wage + a little bit, and I make just a tad more than that, we'd have plenty of money if we were single. If it was just us two doing what we are doing now, we'd have so much money left over each month. As it is now, we have $0 for ourselves and many months have struggled with paying our bills on times. SO yes, having a child is a money suck. I completely get why these women come to adoption, I am glad they did. When I first found out I was pregnant, both abortion and adoption ran through my mind, so it's a possibility for each of us that get pregnant to make that decision. To go through with it, is so much more. Seeing these women cry but still make the tough decision is heart-breaking and heart-warming at the same time. They have given the gift of life to many other deserving parents. I cried a lot during this show.

I also watched the finale of 16&P and cried all during that. Kristen was pregnant when her fiance passed away. He drowned in the ocean, the same water she was in as she was drowning as well. She was saved and he was missing. How heart-breaking! Then, she goes in to pre-term labor and her son Lucas was born 1 month early at 3 lbs 3 oz. Wow! Just to think this young woman lost her fiance, was pregnant, and then had a hard pregnancy, and tough first few weeks as a new mommy. What a strong woman. She is someone I want to get to know. I couldn't even imagine not having Andrew for the rest of our lives, and Cole not knowing his father. It breaks me, and I wish all the best to Kristen, her baby boy, and the rest of her family!


What are your thoughts on these shows? Do they do any good? Are they just annoying at this point? Let me know in the comments!

Little man.

Wow, as frustrating he is, being his mother is reward and makes up for every tantrum. Just watching him grow and learn! I keep hearing new little phrases that I thought were babbles just the day before, but no, they are new words! And he repeats everything, and I mean everything! Luckily, both Andrew and I have tamed our curse words (mine are almost non-existent these days, yay!) so there is no naughty words coming out of our young son's mouth!
Cole is also a water baby. He's in love with being in the pool, so luckily we have one at our apartment complex. Even when he's shivering because he's cold, he doesn't want to get out! It's so cute. He loves jumping in the pool and letting me catch him. He'll say "1...2...1....2" and then jump in. Can't say 3 yet! :)
I could talk about him and his accomplishments all day, all year probably, but I'm sure there will be more everyday that I will update on. He *will* be 2 in 2 months, so there will be new challenges that come along with having a 2 year old. I just can't wait to give him his birthday party. It will probably be intimate this year. Just family, and a few friends/babies will be invited and we'll have it in the clubhouse of our apartment. Yo Gabba Gabba theme and hot dogs and hamburgers will be served! I've been planning along with the help of Pinterest (check it out and help out if you'd like!)

Enjoy this beautiful weather!
xo