Tuesday, June 4, 2013


I have never wanted Cole to grow up without the influence and relationship of a father. This is why I stayed with Andrew for so long, I wanted Cole to have a family.
Now that Andrew and I have split, Andrew has not spent more than a few days at a time with his son, and lately not even a couple of hours.
What can be going through someone's head that they don't want to see their child, or don't try hard enough to come around? Or that they wouldn't pay any child support, are you not concerned about your child and if they are eating, have clothes, or a place over his head?
It is sickening to me. It really is. But for me, I have to be strong for Cole. I am his mommy and daddy and I have to continue to provide through everything, and give Cole the example he needs to be successful in life. I love that little man more than anything in the world, I hope he can grow up realizing that I've done everything to be there for him.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Since the last.

It has been a busy, hectic, and dramatic last 7 months since I've posted. I'm worlds away in my life since then, and I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I was. So many things have changed, I don't even know how to update!
Since then, Andrew and I have split up for good. We haven't lived together since November, and it was definitely a dramatic split. As of now, I'm only trying to be civil with him, but let me tell you how hard that can be when I feel like I'm still just doing everything on my own. 
I've dated here and there, but nothing has stuck, which is fine. I know good things take time, I'm allowed to be picky, and I will find him when everything is right.
Now for the good stuff: Cole. Ahh, he is almost 3 years old. I can't even wrap my head around it. I'm almost a mom to a 3 year old. 3 years isn't a long time on the spectrum of life, but when I put it in terms of where I was 5 years ago, and where we are now, 3 years is a lifetime! Cole has such a personality, and he definitely keeps my hands full! I'm so in love with him, and even on the worst and most trying days, he can make me feel so special. 
He is getting so big and is such a mini me!

Other than Cole and work, my summer is starting off very laid back, but I am so thankful for that. I've had some hard days, and I'm starting to feel the light. 
I just moved to a place, just Cole and I, and it just feel so right. We've only been here a couple of days, but it is home. The last two places have a lot of negativity built in to them, so I'm excited to build this home with love and family. 
I'm hoping to keep writing, because I need this release, but also I promised an English teacher I would. Let me tell ya, she is one hard bitch, I would not want to disappoint, and I want to keep my word.