Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lonnnnnnnng Niiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhttt....

Last night was terrible. Well the evening was pretty bad in general. Nothing specifically "bad" happened, but Cole is cutting a tooth. He has two already, but this one is bugging him like those two never did. It's the worst. He was the crankiest, fussiest I've ever seen him. He didn't go to sleep until about 12:30 AM. UGH! I was still awake even a little after that time because I was catching up on homework but it only took so long because I was trying to entertain Cole, write my paper, and do my math homework all at once, HAHA. Why do I stress myself out?!
Anyway, I finally gave him tylenol because I couldn't find his Orajel. That didn't really do anything. So I laid him down with me in bed and let him gnaw on my fingers and phone, it's his favorite. He finally fell asleep and so I went to lay him down in his crib and as SOON as I did, he woke up. I mean instantly. He started bawling, and I had a bottle ready for him and he refused it. He just wanted to be in my arms, with me, with daddy, not alone. I've never seen him act like that before. Also, he couldn't stop rubbing where his tooth is coming in with his fist and fingers, which I've also never seen him do before. Anyhow, it was a stressful night. I had to get up earlier than usual to catch the bus and Cole woke up at 2 ish and 530 ish. BLAH. Then as soon as the babysitter got to my house at 8, he was out and now he is in a good mood with her. Ha, good thing my son loves girls. Well for now.

Anyway, having a dilemma about what Cole will wear for Easter. Not sure if he should go casual or not. Hmm! Help me out.

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Normal, Happy Life.

That's what I want. I want to be a normal teenager. I want to be a happy girlfriend. I know every relationship has their ups and downs, but I feel that mine has WAAAY more downs than ups. It's a constant struggle, every day. I wake up, ask to be taken to school, if he says no then I'm pissed. I don't want to walk there, I don't want to take the bus, I don't want to drive myself because there is never parking, and I feel that he can take me if he doesn't need to be anywhere else. That's probably selfish, but whatever. I feel that I deserve to be selfish every once in a while.
I feel like he doesn't understand the fact that if he tries to make me happy, it will make him happy as well. Because if I'm happy, most likely he will be too. Sometimes it doesn't work that way, but I find it to be rewarding most of the time.
I guess really, I just want to be happy happy happy. I feel that I wake up and Cole always makes my day, but then I have someone living in my house who sometimes doesn't want to even look at me. It's so sad. I don't know how we got to be this way, but it's discouraging and frustrating. I want to give up on us so bad, but at this point I still can't. I feel like we've gone through way too much to give up. We've made it through a teen pregnancy, which to me is a HUGE hurdle, and now we're just struggling on actually being parents TOGETHER. I don't think either of us struggle to be parents individually. I pride myself on being the best mom I can, and I'm happy to say Andrew is such a great dad. It's just together that sometimes we can't just get along.
I'm so sick of it. I want to be a happy couple. I wanted to get married and have more kids! At this point, I don't know if that will ever happen. I hope it does, but if not, I just hope whatever happens is the best for Cole. Because in the end, I want him to have the best life that I know he deserves, and that's all. If I have to sacrafice my happiness for him, I know I will in a heartbeat. I'll do anything for him. There are no boundaries. He's my future, my everything. <3


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I love my life.

My life is SO crazy. I mean just crazy. I have an 8 month old baby, I'm a full time college student, I have a boyfriend that I live with, we live in a city where we don't have any family help, I work at Red Lobster, and blah blah blah. I never have time for myself! Or to be a teenager, but you know what? I honestly love my life. I love waking up once or twice to feed or love on Cole. I love going to school and then coming home to my loves of my life. I love giving Cole baths, feeding him, watching him grow up! I feel like I am one of the luckiest people on earth to have him in my life. To have the priveldge to raise my son feels like the best thing ever. Ah.

Alright, well update on Cole: He is crawling! Well sort of. It's still his modified crawl, but I count it as crawling! He is also clapping. All the time and especially when we start singing "Pat-a-cake" :) It is the cutest thing EVER. He also loves saying "dadada", "lalala", "gagaga", "yayaya", "tatata", and "hahaha". My baby boy is growing up! It's so amazing watching him learn. I love it, just love it.

Leave me comments about YOUR babies, or if you don't have a baby, just leave me comments about your amazing life :)

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Monday, March 21, 2011

Teen Mom: Not just a show on MTV

Ugh, honestly, it makes me sick to see how many girls younger than I, from my high school, are pregnant. I mean there are A LOT. I graduated with, I think, about 9 girls that were pregnant or had kids. Not including me, so I guess 10. Which kudos to all those girls. We graduated and are moms, YAY! But I look at all these girls who are younger than me that are pregnant right now, or just had kids, and it's like, "what are we doing to ourselves?" I don't look down on ANY of these girls, because I, too, am a teen mom and they are being moms just like they should. Most of the girls I know took on the responsibility as soon as they found out they were pregnant, but at the same time it's like, we didn't need to have kids so young. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Cole, obviously, but I honestly didn't need to put myself through motherhood at such a young age. I'm glad I had Cole, and I'm glad everything has turned out the way it has, but I keep thinking that it didn't have to be like this. I'm 19, going on 20, I should be enjoying the night life of the city, going out, having fun, focusing 98% on college, instead of the measley 45% that is actually spent on college. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is those girls that are in high school that are having sex UNPROTECTED or those girls that are pregnant now, really don't know what they are getting themselves into. I know I didn't. I knew it'd be hard, but I didn't know how HARD it'd actually be. I'm insane every day! I'm taking care of 2 kids at some times! And the thing is, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

SO please, girls, if you're a teen, especially a very young teen, and you're having sex, either stop or use extra precaution. Everyone use to say "just at least use a condom!", but I'm telling you, use more than that. Go get on birth control and take it responsibly! If your parents won't let you, but you know you'll have sex anyway, go to Planned Parenthood or Birthright, they'll help you out! But just please, please, take ALL the precautions you can to not get pregnant. I'm not saying it's the worst thing in the world, it's one of the best, but you can do so much more in your life if you wait to have kids until you're married, or at least older and more stable in your career and life.
I don't think there's much more I can say. I just don't like seeing all these girls getting pregnant. It's so sad. It's sad I got pregnant, because I had so so so much going for me. Not that I can't do it now, it's not impossible. But it will take me a lot longer and I'll need to try much harder to get it all done. But I will.
Hope someone reads this at least... :/

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Haven't been on here for a WHILE. Just deciding to update everyone. These past few weeks have been ROUGH. All 3 of us have been sick (Andrew, Cole, and I) and school has been piling on top of that, Andrew not having a job was on top of that, work for me was on top of THAT, and it was just a huge pile on my chest that would not let me breathe. FINALLY, Andrew got a job, working at least 30 hours a week which is AWESOME. And this week is crowded with just schooool, but so excited that next week is SPRING BREAK! woooo. not going to any awesome party paradise, but I'm just so excited to wake up when I feel like, be at home with my baby for most of the week, and just be a stay at home mom even though it's only that one week. Ahhh, can't wait!

Well, everyone have a good week! Muah*

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Teen Mom

Hey everyone. Hope everyone's doing well and having a great week.
Here, not so well. Cole's been sick, I've been sick and now we think Andrew has the flu! I've been missing so much school and it makes me feel like crap, but my family ALWAYS comes before ANYTHING. Anyway, I was watching Teen Mom last night and I'm kind of getting sick of the whole Adam Chelsea thing. If he's cheated on her multiple times, disrespected her multiple times, and can't even pay child support and rent because he's too lazy to get a job, IDK HOW she could be with him. She's a beautiful, fun, sweet, girl. She could probably get any guy she wanted. Oh well, not my life.
My life isn't MUCH different than those girls though. I'm not working more than 15 hours a week, but I go to school 5 days a week. I have a 7-month old baby. I'm broke as F****, stressed outta my mind, starved (jk) ha, and everything else that comes with being a teen and being a mom.
If anyone reads this blog at all, and you're younger than me or my age, BE CAREFUL WITH SEX. Teens today don't take enough precaution with sex. I know I didn't. Luckily I have a wonderful support system. Some people don't. So please, get on birth control, don't have sex if its not out of love!, or at least use a damn condom. It's not sexy, but come one, its NOT HARD! Just do it. Because you may have a good time while you're doing the deed, but a couple of weeks later when you feel just a little may not be so happy when you pee on a stick and get a BIG FAT POSITIVE. :/ just saying. Stay A TEEN! WAIT to be a mom. Its wonderful, but HARD...

Anyway, have a good rest of the week!*