Saturday, December 25, 2010

WOW.

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It has been TOO long since I've blogged. Well, lot's to catch up on.
Cole is amazing. He's teething though, so he has his moments. One of his bottom teeth has cut through the gum and the other right next to it is starting to peek through. He's handsome, and getting bigger everyday. A month ago, he weighed a whopping 18 lbs, 12 oz. But, its been a month and I'm not to sure how much he weighs now. He's officially 5 months as of yesterday. My baby boy is growing up! Can't wait to see how much bigger he gets!
Christmas Eve was wonderful for us. Cole's 1st Christmas Eve, we spent at one of Andrew's Aunt and Uncle's house with his moms side of the family. It was fun and I ate way too much! Cole had a little reindeer outfit on, he looked so adorable. Today, we spent the day at another aunt & uncle's of Andrew. I, again, ate way to much. But the food was waay too good to pass up helpings and helpings of it. Cole got spoiled with presents. He got a few toys, A LOT of clothes, and some other random things. I got some new black boots, a Guess purse, Very Sexy purfume from VS, fuzzy socks, bath and body works set, a huge candle, and a newsboy hat! Andrew got a new Hurley shirt, money, some fridge magnets, candles, and a gift card to the mall. I guess we were all kind of spoiled this year. I'm so grateful and appreciative for my family!
Anyway, Hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year! :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Update & blah

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Soo, the transition to Lincoln is definitely going. Its not good or bad, just going. I'm so excited to be on my own but yet TERRIFIED. I mean I've been living with my mom my WHOLE life and in this specific house for 13 years. UGH, its scary! But I know we can do it.
The apt is cute and not far away from anything we need, which is awesome! I just hope we can afford everything...

Anyway, I've been looking for christmas presents for Cole, and I'm not sure what to get my bebe! He'll be 5 months on Xmas eve, so anyone have ideas for a 5 month old baby? I want to get him stuff that will also last and he'll enjoy. Ahhh.
Give me ideas!!

<3 muah, update more later!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

SO..

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This weekend is THE BIG WEEKEND. Andrew and I get the keys to our first apartment. :)
I'm SO pumped, but SO scared. I'll be moving away from my MOM & everything I know..
All the help we have here is gone...Luckily one of my friends in Lincoln has agreed to help watch Cole when I'm working or whenever I'm at school & she's not. :) Isn't that awesome!?

Anyway, nothing really new has happened. I'm just trying to get last minute stuff for our apartment. Well there's some stuff that is not "last minute". Such as a couch and dining room set. Still don't have that, ha. :/
It's tough because Andrew isn't bringing in any income and it sucks. I'm making pretty good money serving at Red Lobster, but its not enough for all 3 of us. I really, really hope Andrew can find something in Lincoln. When we go to Lincoln this weekend, he will DEF go job hunting even if I have to DRAG him all over the city. That's a promise.
I've been thinking about child support. I applied for some government help, and since Andrew and I are not married, they are looking to pursue child support. At first I was trying to find any way to get them to NOT because it'd be kind of stupid since we're going to be living together, but maybe it's not so stupid. Because I can use whatever child support I get from him to pay for his half or whatever of rent & utilities that way I know I won't get jipped out of it. I trust him, but at the same time, its hard when I'm not 100% sure if he will follow on his word! I love him but UGH. sometimes that boy.... ;) lol
Well anyway, I can't wait to get the keys to our place!!!! I'm going to go and get diapers now, story of my life! ha :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Lately.

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Hey everyone! I've been super busy lately.
My life consists of waking up at like 6:45 to feed Cole, going back to sleep for maybe 2 more hours and then getting up for the day. Then usually getting ready for work, working until about 9 and then coming home and trying to wind down and go to bed. Ugh. Doesn't sound TOO bad, but its actually really tiring ha.
Well I have greeeeeeat news. ANDREW & I GOT AN APARTMENT. Obviously I won't post everything about the apartment because thats dangerous, but I'm happy with it. I'm not happy about the bills that come along with it. We have an electric and gas bill. I'm not sure exactly how much that will be a month, I wish I did. :/ But maybe any one of my readers can give me advice on how to save on gas and electricity every month!
Otherwise, we are not totally prepared for this apt. We don't have much furniture. We have options for our bedroom and obviously Cole has all of his stuff...except a dresser :/ but we're working on that..
we need a couch atleast. perferably a nice fouton that can be a lounger/bed or a couch with a hide-a-bed. For visitors, you know. We have a TV because my mom is gracious enough to give us the one she has in our living room. Otherwise, we need a LOT of stuff. Ugh. I'm SO nervous! It's rediculous. Hopefully Andrew gets a good paying job in Lincoln, we will see...
Anyway, how has everyone been? Did any of you see the new 16 & Pregnant episode last night? I saw a bit of it, but Cole was being fussy so I was trying to wind him down most of the episode, ha.
Alright, well I'm not sure I have anything else to update on, SO, I will try to update later and more often, but I don't know how that will happen when I get to my apt since there will be nooo internet. :/ talk to you all later!
*byeee.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

whoa.

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I've been trying to keep everyone up to date, but it's so hard with a baby AND working everyday. I'm so busy, I don't have time for myself or even friends. Then when I do have a day off, I don't even have anyone to text or call to hang out with, ha. :(
Anyway, I've been thinking a LOT about my "old life". Ms Pary Girl, always out and about and care-free and how OPPOSITE I am now. I'm not unhappy about it, but I guess I just feel that if I go out and party or something, I'm betraying Cole because he doesn't deserve it. I don't know. Is that stupid?
Oh well, I'm happy being a mom, HIS mom, because he is the BEST thing that's ever happened to me! :) He makes me happy because I know I can make him happy. It's amazing. He's growing up so fast though. I'm excited and not at the same time. I want him to be wittle forever! But then I want him to be able to experience life like I have and continue to do! :)
Welllllllllllll, anyway, I can't wait to move out. I'm sooo sick of living with so many people in one house. I'm sick of my "family" downstairs always throwing Andrew, my sister, & I under the bus. They always say that they clean the whole house, they buy the groceries and blah blah blah, when really Andrew and I clean most of the upstairs bc hello, that's where we live. Ugh, I'm just so sick of it. They took over our house a YEAR ago. like MOVE OUT ALREADY. I can't help but be a bitch because you'd think they would be on their feet by now. It's been a year. Sorry about the rant. I just can't help it. Like right now, I'm freakin' huuuungry and I would like to go cook something or use the oven or something but guess what? I can't because they are all making food taking over the whole kitchen. GRRRR. I'm so sick of it. :( Anyway, my rant is over ha.
Have a great day everyone!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

upppdaaate

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Yesterday Cole had his 2 month check up. HE WEIGHS 14 LBS! And he is now 23.5 inches. the Dr said he is A CHUNK but his length is average. lol, he is a chunk though. I can't even believe how big he's gotten. It's almost sad! I want hims to be my little newborn. :(
Anyway, things have been going good. Andrew still hasnt gotten a job but I can no longer really blame HIM because he HAS been trying but not many people want to hire someone who will be moving in 2 months! But then again, we might not be moving in 2 months if he doesn't get some kind of income going. I start serving tomorrow so hopefully I start making good money because WE NEED IT. Ugh, i'm so stressed. Its almost getting better though because I'm trying to stay positive about everything.
In other news, apartment hunting SUCKS. Haven't really seen anything i LOVE, but I guess thats not what I should be looking fooor. Anyway, going to watch teen mom and sleep!
toodaloo*

Monday, September 20, 2010

wow.

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It's getting harde & harder to update things & such. Having a baby is hard work! I can't believe at first I thought it was easy! How naive I was.
I love it though. Being a mom is the most rewarding thing I've ever felt in my life. And to think I'll be a mom for the rest of my life!! :)

Anyway, there hasn't been much going on in life lately, besides being a mom. Still working at Red lobster, hating it. I think I might apply at Applebee's or Whiskey Creek or somewhere as a bartender. Hopefully that will be fun & pay what I need. My 7.83 an hour is NOT cutting it & they haven't moved me up to a server which is REALLY pissing me off. It's stressful that I'm not making enough money. It sucks sucks sucks. And I'm not getting a second job when I have a baby, because I'm already missing precious time with my baby. I don't want to miss any more. So hopefully I can find a better paying job. Pray for me!!!

Oh my goodness, Cole has been smiling NON STOP lately. I talk to him so much & he laughs and smiles at me. I love it. He'll be 2 months in 4 days. I LOVE IT. He makes me so so so happy.
Well, Cole is waking up and hungry. So I need to go & tend to my FAVORITE little boy. good bye!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

.....

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Hey all :) How's everyone doing?
I'm GREAT. It's been a good week. Started working again on Sunday and I believe I transitioned smoooothly! I worked Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed, and my feet HURT! I'm not used to being on my feet for more than like 30 minutes at a time, ha :)
Other than work, I've just been being a mommy. It's a full-time job you know ;). With that and work, I feel that I have a full plate on my hands. I realllly hope Andrew gets a job soon so I can cut my hours by a day or 2, so I can be with Cole more often. Everytime I'm away, I feel that I'm missing out on Cole time. It makes me sad! :(
Anyway, yesterday was my birthday! I turned 19, and it was a good day. Andrew and I went out to dinner at Red Lobster and then we went to the State Fair with bebe, my mom, & my sister! It was a good time. I loved being able to feel like a reckless teenager again ha. Andrew got me a Kathy purse! SUPER CUTE, I love it. & He also got me some clothes :) YAY birthday.
Well, I'm hoping that work isn't going to kill me, just waiting for the moola to roll in! Andrew and I need to start buying things for the apartment. Especially furniture!! AH. I'm going to be broke before I get that apartment ha.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Sickly.

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GRR. Andrew, Cole, & I all have a cold. Andrew's seems to be going away, but mine and Cole's seems pretty bad. :( Mostly just really stuffy noses. My throat hurts, I hope Cole's doesn't! I feel bad for my poor bebe :(

Anyway, besides that, I feel that Andrew and I have had some problems lately. I can feel myself being mean to him almost but I kind of figured out whyyy...
I feel that he doesn't help enough with the baby. I find myself doing EVERYTHING for Cole, not that I mind, but I would like to see Andrew connecting with his son more. I just don't think it's hit him very well that he's a father, Cole is as much his responsibility as it is mine. I don't know. I talked to him last night about it and I hope things change a bit, because I don't want to be bitter towards him because of something that can be changed with just a little bit of work.

Anyway, how are all the other teen moms doing today? Let me know what you & your babies are doing today! :)
byee*

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Oh wow.

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Well, I'm here to update you guys on my life!
-As a mom, its going great, I'm loviiiing taking care of Cole. Its the best and most rewarding thing in the world when I see him happy and joyful. I mean it really makes my heart sing! :) That sounds so cheeeesy, but really. It's true ;) I LOVE HIMS!
-As a girlfriend, it's still a daily struggle between Andrew and I. It's not only his fault, or only my fault, but we're both at fault. Relationships are hard when it's just the two people, but it becomes even harder when there's a third person thrown in to the mix. (The third person is obviously my son, not another "lover" or whatever haha). I know for sure my fault is that it's different with Andrew because I want to focus all my attention and love towards Cole, but that's not fair to Andrew. Although he's not perfect, I should definitely appreciate him for atleast this: Without him, I wouldn't have my beautiful son. I couldn't of done it alone, either! Or maybe I could, but I'm much happier on this journey with him. And although I say that to him, I need to SHOW that to him. His fault, I think, is that I feel that I don't get ENOUGH help, or he doesn't pay ENOUGH attention to Cole. Maybe that's just me as Cole's mom and how much I LOVE and ADORE Cole, but I don't know. We both just have things to work on..
-As a daughter, I don't think I've been doing enough. I had a talk with my mom tonight and she told me MANY feelings I had no idea that she felt. I love and appreciate my mom to no end, but some of the things I do, or DON'T do in this case, really get to her. And even though we've had a talk similar to this in the past, I think I understand her more now that I'm a mom. I love her though, to no end. She's my rock and she has always been my role model. I really want to do something for her, maybe get her a gift or something once I start working again...HELP? Message or comment me any ideas on FB. www.facebook.com/caro.babiee

Well, I start work on the 29th of this month, and I'm excited but NOT excited! I want the money SO bad, because I want to start buying a couple things for our apartment and also I would like to be actually able to GET our apartment, ha. But anyway, that's all I have for tonight...
GOODNIGHT* <3

Sunday, August 15, 2010

To all the mamas!

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Baby in the bath tub <3
I'm starting him on a bedtime routine that maybe will stick so we can ALL get enough sleep. It's still kind of hard for me to go to bed early, because I'm a night owl, so maybe that's where Cole gets it! I don't know, I've had trouble getting him to sleep more than an hour or 2 at a time at night. Where as during the day, he can sleep up to 3 or 4 hours. Urgh, baby, baby, baby...

Anyway, In this blog I wanted to say how HARD motherhood is. I LOVE it, don't get me wrong, but I NEVER knew it would be like this. I'm awake more than half of the day and most of it is spent at the worst hours of the night/early morning.. wow.
Buuut, I'd just like to give props to all the mamas.. young or old! <3
Well, Cole just woke up, whyy, idk, to hang out with mama i guess...ha. GOODNIGHT!*

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Balance.

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Wow, it's been awhile! Being a mom is HARD work and there's almost NO time for myself. It's not exactly a bad thing, because being a mom has made me becom selfless. I'm all about my baby now!
It's amazing! Mommyhood is not exactly what I thought it would be. My sleeping pattern is WACK, my boobs are SORE, and my body is super weird. I love being a mom, though. Of course I wish I would've waited until I was older and what not, but I think I would've still been as tired, stressed, and sore as I am now.
So as of now, I will be going back to work in about 3 weeks! I'm excited because then the MOOOLA will be flowing in like before. :) I can't wait to be making that money again! I want to spoil myself and Cole! :D

On the other hand mommyhood has definitely brought some obstacles for Andrew & I. We just CAN'T seem to get along. I think the fact that we have Cole now, has put a wedge between us. I definitely focus on Cole A LOT more than Andrew. I mean, why wouldn't I? Cole actually needs me to take care of him. Maybe I'm just pushing Andrew away a little too much without even trying to.. :/ any advice to help us be better together with Cole? Thanks! goodnight*

Friday, July 30, 2010

I love being a mom :D

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It's amazing! Before I had Cole, I knew I'd love being a mom, but I never knew I'd love it THIS much.
Seriously, everything about it is amazing. Feeding him, changing his diapers, getting spit up on, watching him sleep, etc. It's my favorite thing to do. I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom. But then again, I really like to make money & provide. I'm a very independent woman and I hate not being able to get Cole the things I think he deserves.

Anyway, postpartum pregnancy kind of sucks. I hate having the pain from my incision. It's getting better but I still have to take pain meds because its really hard for me to get in and out of bed, mostly. The part I REALLY hate about not being pregnant, is that I have this like saggy belly thing. It's gross. I really hope it goes away, because I would love to be tiny again :) <3 ha. Well anyway, I'm going to go get my little one from Gma's room, because I miss him & I hate being away from him <3
Goodnight all*

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I HAD MY BABY!

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COLE ALEXANDER
7 LBS 8 OZ 20 IN
JULY 24, 2010

My labor story:
I went to my dr's appt on Friday at 11:30 AM. When I got there, she checked me and said I was 5 cm dialated and asked if I had been feeling any contractions. I told her that from what I could tell, I wasn't. I felt some cramp type things, but they weren't that strong. She got a little worried and sent me to the hospital to be put on a monitor to see if I was indeed having contractions. Well, I was, but they weren't that strong, but the hospital decided to admit me because I was 5 cm dialated. I was admitted at around 1:45 PM.
I sat in my hospital room and waited...and waited...and walked...and waited...
At around 8 PM, my dr came in and broke my water to speed up the labor. I started really feeling the contractions, and I decided I would get pain meds. WOW. They gave me nubain (sp?) in my IV & it made me feel sooo dizzy and out of it. It didn't really help the pain, it just made me feel worse in general. After feeling some pretty bad contractions, I decided to get an epidural. After that, i was super relaxed and ready to have my baby! Still, nothing happened.
Finally at around 5:30 in the morning, I was fully dialated, and they wanted me to push. I pushed and pushed and pushed and nothing except Cole was getting a really bad cone head. So finally at around 9:30 ish, they said I needed to have a C-section because Cole & I were under too much stress. I cried & cried, because I did not want to have major surgery. I went in to the operating room, shaking and bawling, and scared out of my mind, but I just kept thinking that in about 20 min, I would get to meet my son. Andrew was the only one that came in with me, since I could only have one person come in with me anyway. I'm glad it was him. He was very supportive and made sure I remembered who I was doing this for. Cole was born at 10:41 AM as a C-section baby. He was beautiful from the 1st second I saw him. :)
We are doing AMAZING. He's a little bit of a crybaby, because he loves to be with mommy & daddy. But otherwise, he's wonderful at breastfeeding :) I LOVE being a mommy!

<3

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Mommy-to-be

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^ That's my son in there! It's so weird to know that in 3 weeks (give or take) I'll be holding a baby, not my belly! It's kind of scary too, because somedays I'm thinking that I won't be able to do this. I have support coming from everywhere, but I want to be able to do it on my own! I know that's kind of hard considering I'm a teen who's planning on going to college & working & living on her own & taking care of a baby. But I'll do it..somehow.

anyway, I'm very unpatiently waiting for my bebe to get here. I can't wait..or maybe I can, but I'm just sick of being pregnant! REALLY! It's horrible in the last month. Anyway, I hope that everyone is having a good night, I'm going to go rest. :)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Waiting...Waiting...

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I hate playing this waiting game. Technically, my 40 weeks aren't up yet, but my doctor said I was already 4 cm dialated & its realllly getting me excited. I haven't had regular contractions yet, so I'm frustrated. I just want my baby here in my arms! I can't wait to be a mom & show all those people that think I CAN'T do it, that I CAN! :)

Anyway, did anyone watch Baby High?! I thought it was an amazing show. I wish I could've gone to a school like that when I was pregnant. Luckily I didn't have my child in the middle of the school year, which makes things a liiiittle easier. Anyway, it seems that the teachers & principals really care about their students & aren't going to be giving up on them. There is some controversy about schools like that, though, because people say it condones teen pregnancy. What do you guys think?
I personally think its an amazing oppurtunity for young woman to keep going on with their lives, even with a child. I'm sure its hard to raise your own child while you're still trying to figure out your own life. I think its a great school & all of the teachers seem to be very supportive. Teen pregnancy has alwaaaays been around & will continue to be around & this school is just making a teen mom's chance of graduating and going on to college greater. What's wrong with that? NOTHING! :)

Last thing. I'm getting really, really scared. I can't wait to have Cole in my arms, but I'm scared of the process of getting him there. I have to be on some antibiotics during labor for Cole's safety & I'm scared I won't get to the hospital on time for those, or for an epidural if I decide to get one! Its kind of a scary thought to not make it to the hospital in time. Is this fear normal? :/
Oh well, have a great day everyone!*

Friday, July 16, 2010

4 cm.

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I haven't really talked about the "discomforts" of being pregnant at all during my blog, so I'm going to dedicate this entry to just that..and some surprise news at the end!

*My first trimester: I felt TIRED, like mentally and physically. I couldn't keep my eyes open, even before I knew I was pregnant, I was ALWAYS tired.
I also felt naseous a lot. I never actually got "morning sickness" (luckily), but I did feel sick A LOT. I think the worst about the 1st trimester was the tiredness (is that a word?).
*My second trimester: still tired but it was the kind of tired that's from like actually doing something, or maybe gaining weight, but I gained more energy than from my 1st trimester. My feet started to hurt more, and I really started to pop out around 5 months. There weren't too many discomforts around my 2nd trimester, it was just amazing seeing my body change!
*My third trimester: Although technically I haven't finished my third trimester, there are many discomforts. At first it was just carrying a bunch of extra weight, and then my feet started hurting and occasionally my feet would swell up. And then it turned out to be that I'm getting really sore "down there" and now I'm just super uncomfortable. I can't sleep when I want to and if I need to be up and awake, it doesn't happen!

ANYWAY: GOOD NEWS, exciting news, blah blah blah, I'm already 4 cm dialated and my doctor says Cole is very low. AH :) He can be coming at any time! :)

*ciao!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Soul mate?

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I think its so weird that I'm so young, yet I feel that the person I fall asleep to every night & wake up to every morning is the man I'm meant to be with. He's my best friend, truly! He's always there, and even though sometimes he would rather be out with his friends, I can understand him. Because even the best of friends need a little break.



I love him like WHOA. I guess I didn't even think he was my "soul mate" until Cole brought us closer, I hope Cole keeps helping us along when he's born too, but I think he will because I can see how much Andrew LOVESSSS Cole already. I love it when he leaves the house & kisses my belly & says "I love you Cole" Its so weird to see someone do such a 360 degree change to their life. Andrew used to be someone I could probably see myself with only to party & "hook-up" with ha. but now he's the LOVE of my life & nothings going to change that. He's the ooonly man I want to be with for the rest of my life :) and I can't wait for Cole to get here to complete our family. I love my life & those in it :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Got me like Oh my gosh, I'm so in love.

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Andrew got qualified at work! That means that he's doing his job really well and he's no longer viewed as a "new worker". This also means he gets a raise! I'm really proud of him cause usually it takes 6-8 weeks for people to get qualified and he did it in 4. :) I'm like that proud, bragging wife, ha.
The only thing that worries me about this is that he's not going to want to leave swift. Which is ok because its a money making job that is good for Cole & I, but it's in Grand Island. & I'm going to college in Lincoln in the spring. Soo, how's that supposed to work out? I'm scared that I'll have to go to Lincoln alone with Cole for a while, until we figure something out, because college isn't going to wait for me. I would just go to CCC or take some online classes, but I have a full ride to UNL, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? I can't let having a baby stop me from succeeding in life. Any advice PLEASE?! I will take it. go to my facebook or my formspring, that would be AH MAZING! thanks :)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Life is good..

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Hopefully it continues to stay that way. I'm getting very anxious for Cole to get here. Its a month *give or take* and I can't wait any longer. Not only am I super uncomfortable in my body, but I want to meet my baby boy!<3

Here is a list of things that Andrew & I need to work on & buy before Cole gets here:

1. we need to SAVE our $$$. mostly he needs to work on this. he makes almost 400$ every week & its gone in the same week. & none of its for the baby :/ that's redic.
2. our relationship. we need to make sure we're good before Cole comes, because we're going to need to be a TEAM when baby is here cuz i'm NOT going to do it alone. I refuse.
3. We need to start looking @ apartments in lincoln in late august, early september so we can get a deposit in atleast.
4. baby things we need: *pack n play, swing, CARSEAT & STROLLER, & bathtub. otherwise I think we're good.


Ugh, I hope we can get the carseat & stroller ASAP because uh, I'm due SOON. & I need to have that carseat. that's an actual necessity. :/ we'll see. maybe my mom will order it for me tmr. I'll just pay her back slowly. ugh.

Anyway, in the next week, I want to have a garage SALE. hopefully make some money that way :)

well, goodnight then. <3

Monday, July 5, 2010

Happy 4th!

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soooooooooo

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! :)
Hope everyone had a good and SAFE 4th of July. Mine was great :)
Today was my lil cousin's birthday and we had a bbq for lunch. She just turned 2 and she's SO cute! Plus the food was super good. Then I came home and just lounged around in the A/C! You know how prego women get ;) ha. Then Andrew and I went to his mom's boyfriend's dad's house (lol) and ate some more food. Then we went and got some sno cones and fireworks and lit them all night PLUS some free HUGE fireworks we got from the neighbors. How sweet, right?! I was excited. And now I'm back at home in the A/C again just waiting for Andrew to get back home so we can cuddle..or "curdle" as he likes to say, and watch a movie and pig out :) I'm so hungry! And Cole is too, because he's kicking me real hard right now. <3
K, well hope everyone enjoys the rest of the night, as I will, muah!*

Friday, July 2, 2010

YAY!

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There's a lot of things to be happy about today:

  • Andrew gets to keep his job at JBS! he's missed a couple of days this week because he got sick and then got Pink Eye. :( we were both super scared that he'd get fired because of those days missed, but luckily, he's fine and texted me not that long ago to tell me that he gets to stay!
  • The baby shower was yesterday and we got a lot of stuff! I'm super happy!
  • I don't work today so I get to spend time with my sisters that are here from Indiana. Sadly, they leave tomorrow morning so I really want to make the best of it.
I had my doctor's appt today and it went well. I'm super happy that Cole will be here in about 6 weeks. That's crazy to me! I'm happy to hopefully get my body back! It will be weird being small again and what not, but I'm happy for that.

Another thing I'm excited for is re-applying for UNL. I wish I could be going to college with everyone in August, but I have my own happy ending to why I won't be, right? :) I just can't wait to join everyone else. It will just be hard to be a full time student, a mom, and devoted girlfriend. We'll be paying our own bills such as rent, utilities, phone, cable, groceries, baby stuff, blah, blah, blah! I hope we can do it all!

Anyway, I'll update more later, when I have more to update :p bye*

Thursday, July 1, 2010

New.

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It's been awhile since my last update. My internet has been acting up lately, so I haven't really been trying to mess with it. My nerves are on ends lately and I don't need the extra stress of trying to fix something I don't really know how to anyway.
I've been thinking a lot about being a mommy and how excited I am for Cole to get here. It's going to be the toughest thing of my LIFE, but I think I'm as ready as can be for it!
ANYWAY! New stuff:
I'm on my 34th week of pregnancy. (WOW)
I've been babysitting Grey a lot lately.
MY BABY SHOWER IS TMR!
That's the most exciting thing on my mind, ha. I want to be selfish for a day. This celebration is about me and my bebe and I can't wait to see what everyone got for Cole & I. YAY!

Another exciting thing is that Teen Mom 2 starts on July 20 10pm ET. SO excited. Love all those shows and can't wait to see what the girls have been up to!
I think I'm going to hit the hay, I've got a long day ahead of me! Muah*

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Emotional times

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Well, Andrew's dad finally knows. I don't know what he thinks of me personally, but I hope he doesn't think too shitty of me. I'd like him to like me, of course, I mean he's practically family to me, although it doesn't really seem like that.
Ugh, tonight has seemed so emotional. Andrew and his temper got to me tonight. He's definitely got one, but I guess I'm used to it. I know he doesn't mean it when he starts to get super mad, unless I've really truly done something. Which, I don't usually do anything, ha. Oh well, I feel that things will get better as soon as everyone meets Cole. I think he'll bring everyone together & hopefully everyone will accept him. Cause if they don't, its their loss. My son will be the most wonderful person I've ever met :)

Well, the last thing I have to update on is that Cole is a hyper little boy! Holy cow. He doesn't stop moving it seems like. And he REALLY moves. it's crazy. I love it but after a little while it's like "Ok Cole, pleaaase, you're hurting mommy" lol. Well, I'm going to bed..goodnight!*

Saturday, June 12, 2010

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So, I have this formspring, because I just thought it would be fun, but some of the questions are not so nice. :( i'm really sick of people doubting me about being pregnant and being able to raise a child. Well, who are you to judge me?! I'm doing THE BEST I can to start to make a good life for my baby. So fuck you all who doubt me...thanks. :)

Anyway, my main intent of getting on here was to talk about how great Andrew and I are doing lately! He's done a whole 360 change. Everyone who matters sees it like my family, his mom, and most importantly, moi :)
He's been treating me like I'm his world and not only that, he's doing really hard work to make money for the baby and I. I hate dropping him off work because I want to spend time with him, but it's what we gotta do before Cole gets here! I have about 9 weeks left until he's here and I'm so excited. CAN'T WAIT!

ciao*

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This is an early post...

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...and that's because I dropped Andrew off at work today at about 6 AM, and now I can't sleep. I'm not 100% sure why, but I think it's because I'm not used to him having a responsibility and a job to go to. I'm used to him being with me pretty much any time we want to be together, because honestly I don't work too much right now. Aw, it was so cute. Before Andrew got out of my car to go to work this morning, he kissed me & then he kissed my belly <3. I can tell Andrew will be a good dad, and him getting this job and hopefully sticking with it is really showing that he's willing to sacrafice his freedom (a lot of it) to take care of Cole & I.
But really, I feel like I'm really growing up because I woke up with him this morning, made him coffee and eggs and packed his lunch. Ahhh. It's like the reality of being a mom and some what of a wife is hitting me. Obviously Andrew and I aren't married but I'd love to marry him someday...possibly soon? :) Anyway, even if we don't think about marriage for a while, him & Cole are my life. We're our own family now. It's so weird to think that in just a couple of months, Andrew and I will have our own family to take care of. It's kind of scary, though. I hope Andrew & I will be good enough parents to Cole. The way Andrew's been acting lately, though, doesn't make me doubt what kind of parent he will be & I know I will try my hardest as well. Of course we won't be perfect because this is our first child, but we'll learn along the way :).

Well, I guess I'm going to go pop in a movie or just watch music videos and wait until a little later to go to the grocery store. have a good day everyone!*

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Everything's just wonderful...

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Everything seems to be going perfect with Andrew and I and our life...

ANDREW HAS A JOB INTERVIEW ON MONDAY! :D I'M SOOO EXCITED FOR HIM. I really hope he gets the job. The money would help soo much! ahh.

The sad thing is, we were planning on going to Texas on Wednesday and now we can't because if he DOES get the job (which I pray he does) he will start working right away. ugggh. Oh well, hopefully, somehow I can go!

Anyway, going to go watch tv with my babe! <3 night everyone.

PS. my weight gain is really healthy, i've only gained 2 lbs since 2 weeks ago. perfect :) bye!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I'm so happy :)

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Everything just seems so perfect lately. Andrew and I are AMAZING, my family & I are AWESOME, and now I just can't wait until Cole Alexander Bowling is brought in to this world. Its the most exciting thing of my life. I'm so happy that I ultimately made the choice to keep Cole in my life. He's the best thing that's about to happen to me. It's crazy. Only about 2 months left, and I just want to get it over with. I've heard the first month is hell, but I'm so excited to be a mom. :) Ahh, I can't get over it!

The only thing that is putting a stress on any aspect of my life right now is MONEY. That's honestly the ONLY thing I'm worried about. I still have so many things to buy & bills to pay and almost NO WAY to get any of it. I can barely pay my TWO bills I have every month, how am I going to buy all of the rest of the baby stuff or even manage to keep up when baby is actually HERE. :( I hate thinking about it. Buuut anyway, I'll think about that later!

Anyway, I'm going to go and watch The Hills. Have a good night everyone <3!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I'm so scared of growing up.

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I've been really thinking about actually growing up lately. I want to be as mentally prepared for my new life as possible. Every day, my due date is getting closer and closer. It doesn't seem like it's that close, but August will be here before I know it. June's already around the corner! I'm scared, anxious, nervous, but happy and almost ready for what's coming my way: a new baby, bills, extra work, more responsibilities, and less freedom. Well, almost no freedom. :/ I'm not too worried about my freedom though. I've learned to really accept spending a lot more time at home and I now actually prefer that.
The thing I'm really worried about is money & how I will be as a mother..
It's a scary thought, that I so young, will be caring for someone else now. Someone that is going to need me 24/7 365 days. I think I will enjoy it, though. I've always been that kind of person that longs to be needed by someone else. That's why I think I kind of like that Andrew needs me so much. It makes me love him that he's sort of helpless. Although, I know he's not & he could make for himself if he truly wanted to. I just think he likes me taking care of him though. :)

Money isn't coming to me so easy lately, though. My job is giving me only about 10-15 hours a week which is about 100-120 dollars a week. Paying for gas & my bills, drains me of everything I earn. How am I supposed to get Cole's stroller, carseat, bouncer, swing, and pack N play? I know not alll of those things are necessary, but I want Cole to be a happy AND comfortable baby. Also, when I move to Lincoln in the spring of next year, I'm scared that rent & day care will also drain me. I won't have as much time to work because I'll be going to school full-time, & I'm scared that college won't work out for me. I hope it does, because I really want to make a future for Cole & I & hopefully Andrew, if he wants to be a part of our family. Which I reallllly hope he would LOVE to be a part of me & Cole forever. Atleast Cole. It would break my heart if Andrew left me, but it would just KILL me if Andrew left Cole. I don't see either of those things happening though, because Andrew has really been trying a little bit harder each day to make things right. It seems like he's actually starting to go through with his job search and actually FILLING OUT the applications, and he's spending A LOT more time with me, and even my family. It's amazing!




He doesn't call me mommy yet, but he will when he's actually here & ready :)

Exciting events coming up for me!:

Get to see my little sisters June 6 or 7!
1st baby shower, July 1
WOO* 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Rediculous...

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Today I was on a teen mom's formspring website. I was reading some of the questions and I came across one that mentioned the new 16 & Pregnant, stating that MTV has decided to put a disclaimer on the show because they feel that many girls are getting pregnant on purpose for the show. WOW. Why would any girl want to get pregnant on purpose?! The whole purpose for the shows "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" are to show the struggles that young women face being young parents. It isn't to encourage young girls to get pregnant for fame. I think a lot of girls may be getting the wrong message from these shows. Many girls are not purposely getting prego?! Rediculous...

Anyway, I woke up today with my feet throbbing and sore. I got up and right away felt the pain in my feet. It's horrible! I'm in some real pain. I think it all came from baby sitting Grey, Andrew's little brother, yesterday. He's a little monster (in a gooooood way) and keeps me busy, but also made me tired, :). Oh well, a little taste of what Cole will be like in a year!
I'm hoping I can get enough money though, because I'm wanting to go to Texas on the second week of June and also, I still have to pay my bills! Uggh. I hate the "real world" sometimes. Oh well, I think I will go shower now, and put my feet back up. Hopefully I can get a foot rub later :D have a good day*

Saturday, May 22, 2010

formspring.me

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What's up? http://formspring.me/mamaCARO

I wish...

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  • I wish Cole was here already.
  • I wish I wasn't so uncomfortable.
  • I wish Andrew would give me more foot rubs & massages.
  • I wish Kaila Puente would pay my mom back the $500 she owes her.
  • I wish I could go out & party!
  • I wish I had all of the money in the world.
  • I kind of wish I was married to Andrew.
  • I wish that my life could go perfect.
  • I wish I didn't have stretch marks.
  • I wish Andrew was here right now.
  • I wish I didn't need to wish these things....

I've just been thinking a lot lately. Earlier today I even got emotional in my car on the way to work. Not really sure why, but it was weird. Ahh, I guess I'll just keep trying my best in everything...
Goodnight*

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Just lounging...

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..just got out of the shower and I reallyyyy don't want to go to work. I'm only thinking about the money, but I'm so exhausted lately. I don't know if it's because I'm in my third trimester now, or what. I just hope I can start sleeping better.

Any suggestions from other mamas? I NEED IT! :D

Anyway, tomorrow is my next doctor's appt & my doc, Dr. Kenna, is on maternity leave (haha) and so i will be seeing a GUY doctor. The only reason I'm a little nervous is because I've had Dr. Kenna for like 6 months now, & to change to a guy is weird. Hopefully this appt he won't have to look at my cooter... :/

Oh well, only 2 months 3 weeks and 3 days left until baby Cole is here.
I CAN'T WAIT, I AM TOOOOO EXCITED!!

byee*

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I would just like to take the time to...

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Thank those that have really really been there for me!

my mama: She's been the rock behind me since I was born & she's still there for her babygirl thru my pregnancy! I love her so much. She helps so much with money, taking care of me, and overall just being supportive

My 2nd mama, Stephanie: ever since she found out I was pregnant, she was supportive & has helped out a tons & I know she will continue to support Andrew & I. I love you!

Chelsey: She's the one that bought me the pregnancy test & made me take it when I missed my period. She's been my best friend since 7th grade & will continue to be there for me AND Cole. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Briana: Although we've only been best friends for like 2 years, I know I can trust you with anything. You didn't abandon me when I got prego (like other people) just because I couldn't party or go out as much anymore. I love you so much for that.

Ashley Kuck: you're my baby mama friend! with out me getting pregnant, we probably wouldn't of gotten as close as we have, but I'm glad we did. You've helped me a lot thru my pregnancy because you went thru it just before me! <33

Brianda: my other baby mama friend! I can't wait until we start yoga together. It's really nice to have someone else be right next to me, in the same spot in our pregnancy. someone to talk to & be emotional with! <3

OF COURSE I CAN'T FORGET MY ANDREW!:
Love of my life. I know its hard for you to have all of the attention on me & baby, but you're being a good boyfriend & I can really see a lot of changes you're making for me & Cole. I love youuuu!



Thanks to everyone who's been there for me! love everyone.
have a good dayyy*

Friday, May 14, 2010

It's been awhile...

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I'M OFFICIALLY A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE! :)
Ahh, I'm so excited! It's the best feeling ever to be DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL. Especially when I'm about to have a baby. I feel a huge weight off of my shoulders. Now I can just focus on resting, making money, myself, Andrew, and of course, baby Cole. I'm very excited, but I'm also getting VERY nervous to have Cole. But I'm getting myself ready. And although I believe that I will never be fully ready to have a baby at this age, or honestly any age, but I'm trying really hard to be "grown-up". Or as grown up as an 18 year old can be.

Anyway, work is getting better. I'm getting some more hours, even though it's still hard to make my 2 payments every month. I'm going to have to ask my mom to make one of them this month AGAIN, because my check this week isn't enough to cover both of my payments that are due NEXT TUE & WED.

On the lighter side, Andrew's turning 18 on Monday. dun dun dunnn....
that means he has to FINALLY tell his dad I'm pregnant. I wonder how mad his dad will be.. I WOULD BE LIVID. Especially because I'm 27 weeks pregnant, I feel that he hasn't gotten a chance to be a part of his first grandson's life. Even though Cole isn't born yet, he's technically a human being. I don't know, I guess we'll find out next week what's going to happen....

I can't think of anything else to update on except that Andrew & I are doing better than usual. He's been really making me happy lately & proud. He's really starting to think about the baby and the future and what not. We'll see if he actually goes thru with anything though..I hope so, he needs a job. I need the extra lil bit of money. :p but oh well, I can be an independent mama if I need to be!

Alllllright, I'm going to go look for my boyfriend now, since apparently he's going to be partying all night because it's his birthday weekend...WISH ME LUCK! goodnight*

Sunday, May 2, 2010

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Isn't it sad when I'm sitting here thinking about how much I don't really love my life right now & I think "i need to blog"...? hahah. i laughed at myself.
Well, anyway, my life is the same. Andrew still has no job & no money and I'm still trying to make enough to pay my own bills and save up for the baby.
It sucks because I don't know how much longer I can put up with being the "caretaker" of our "little family." I'm sick of being the man in the relationship ha. Oh well, whatever. I knew what kind of person Andrew was before we got ourselves in this mess and now I have to deal with it.
I hate using the phrase "deal with it" because I guess, I don't know. It makes him sound like he's really hard to deal with. Which, he is at times, because he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES that I know. And I'm not using that term lightly. But I love the fucker so much. He's become my life because although from the outside he may just seem like a pest, he's not. (well not always). He does do a lot for me & he puts up with my pregnant, hormonal self. Which, well, he has to because he did get me pregnant in the first place. haaaa.

Anyway, I still feel kind of lonely dating him. It seems like he's there during the weekdays for me for an hour or two during the day & then it's his friends all the way. Then he'll come back to my house around 9 or 10 just to maybe watch a little bit of tv with me & then pass out. And don't get me started on the weekends! Psh, I barely see him then. His friends & habits dominate on the weekend while I'm working hard or just sitting at home waiting for a phone call! I'm pathetic sometimes, I think. I should just make other plans but it seems to never work out. When I do make other plans on the weekends, it seems like he actually wants to make time for me right away. But when I'm thinking oh maybe he'll actually hang out with me when I get off work, then he chooses his friends over me. I hate that.
What's so special about them? Nothing. I think most of his friends are low lifes. Not ALL of them. But a lot of his friends never even graduated from high school. & one of his friends, grrrr do I hate him, is always on his ass like HE'S his girlfriend! It's fucking rediculous! That's my job!

Last thing: my graduation party is tmr! I am SO excited. I can't believe I'm graduating in a week. And I only have 2 days of school left. WOW, how the time has flown. Next thing I know, I'll be having Cole & leaving my house for college & the real world.
I'm going to miss my mommyy.... :'(

Alright, well I hope everyone has a good night, good morning, good afternoon.
Goodnight*

Saturday, April 24, 2010

rant rant rant. blah blah blah

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I'm really upset today....
Yesterday, Andrew asked me to go to a movie with him tonight & that we were going to hang out right when I got off of work (which was 4)...
Didn't hear from him until 630, and then didn't hear from him again until 830. Neither times did he ask me to hang out & both times he called from his friends phones so he's obviously with them...like always.
we were supposed to hang out last night too, but guess what? He was with his friends & he wasn't going to "just leave them like that". even though when his friends text my phone asking for him, Andrew is able to leave me like it's nothing. HA. love it. its fucking fantastic.
I'm sooo sick of coming in second & i'm so sick of crying over it! I should be used to being second. & the thing is I'm not even second. I'm like third or fourth.
;ALSKDJF;ALKSJDF;ALISJPOIEJAPOWEIFJ;ALSKDJ;ALDKN;ALSKDJF.
Whaaaatever. Me & Cole deserve WAAAAY better than this. Hopefully Andrew will turn around & give us what we need & deserve, but if he doesn't, my patience is LOW and my tolerance is just about gone. I really don't know how much more I can take.. I really hate being sad just about every day.
I don't want to leave him, but damn, really. How many chances does he need to make us right? How many chances does he need until he can realize that I'm really really trying...for us?

:'( bye.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

thinking...

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somedays, I just want to give up. on school, on andrew, on the baby, but then I come to my sense and I'm just like WHAAAT am I thinking? I could NEVER give up on my baby Cole, there's no way. He's my number 1 priority. Because of him being my number 1, I don't want to give up on school or Andrew either. Sometimes it's just so hard with Andrew though, he can be so stubborn and such an ass. But through everything that has ever gone on between us, I know we both love each other SO much. and that's what makes me happy. I just hope he can buckle down and be a responsible dad. Although we still have 3.5 months to go, that 3.5 months will FLYYYY by. Next thing we know & my contractions will be starting. It's just crazy. HOPEFULLY, Andrew & I can keep working through all of our differences and stupid little fights and GROW UP. We are about to be parents after all! WOW.

Anyway, I'm getting super excited because I've been looking at furniture and strollers and car seats and CLOTHES of course. And Cole has been moving around so much lately and Andrew got to feel him last night :). He was so happy! I was too, it was awesome. Andrew even tried to feel Cole move while I was sleeping but that wasn't too succesful ha.
On top of being excited, I'm also very scared. Kind of scared of labor and pain, but more so of actually having a baby around and being a mom and money and moving out & college. It's just too crazy right now. I'm SCARED!

anywayyy, everyone have a good day, I should go do my homework now, bye!

Friday, April 16, 2010

ramble. *explicit*!

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Ugh. I'm so pissed. I was SO excited for prom as you all knew and then BAM! today my excitedness was shattered. I talked to the Dean of students and a principal to ask if Andrew would be ok'd to come as my date because we have to get our dates ok'd if they don't go to GISH. Well anyway, they both told me that I would have to go to Mr. Jensen because they weren't sure because of the fact that he goes to the alternative school. Why does it matter what school he goes to when the only rules about an outside date is that they have to be 20 and under. Well, Mr. Jensen took one look at Andrew's name & said no because he quit going to GISH, so even if he was going to another school, he wasn't ok'd to go. Like wtf, what kind of karma is this for me. What did I do to deserve this? HONESTLY. Anyway, tonight, I found out that Mrs. Wells & Dr. Mann (2 of our principals) decided that they would ok a TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD to go. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! how is that not messed up. That's one of the legit, written rules and they MAKE AN EXCEPTION, but they won't let Andrew go because why?! he quit going to GISH. Fucking Mr Jensen, I think he just isn't letting Andrew go because he doesn't like him. Fuck him and GISH and the administration. Sorry for being disrespectful to my elders, but if they make an exception to the rule for one person, they shouldn't discriminite if they've dropped out or quit going to GISH. What does that have to do with going to Prom? I STILL GO TO SCHOOL. ITS MY FUCKING SENIOR PROM. One of my rights as a senior is to go to my prom with my choice of date as long as he's UNDER 21! And he meets the requirement.

SO NOTE TO ADMIN & PRINCIPALS WHEN MAKING NEXT YEAR'S OUTSIDE DATE CARD: MAKE SURE YOU FUCKING LIST ALL OF YOUR DUMBASS RULES ON THE CARD AND LET IT BE KNOWN IN WRITING SO YOU DON'T BREAK SOME POOR GIRL'S HEART A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE THE DANCE.

like fucking have a heart. all I wanted was to go to my senior prom with my boyfriend & have a good time. BUT FUCK THAT. Guess GISH would rather me not be happy. fuck you guys then. can't wait to get out of that fucked up school.

thanks for letting me ramble, ha. goodnight.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Sometimes....

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...I really hate getting in the writing mood, because the only times I really get in the mood for writing are when I'm super happy and I have something to tell, or when I'm super down or mad. and this is not a happy time.
I haven't seen Andrew since umm, thursday night. He ditched me last night...
and told me he was going home because he was sleepy and his stomach hurt. And then I find out he was out until 5 AM this morning! Thanks, boyfriend :(
Then today, he told me he'd call at 4, because that's what time I'd be getting at work...Um, look at the time stamp of this blog...It's almost 9 PM. Thanks again, boyfriend.
I don't want to be done with him, though. I guess I just don't think it's fair for me to actually get mad at him, because I've wronged him in the past, but I don't keep going. I stopped what I did. I regret it everyday, and I've devoted everything I have to him and this baby. Sometimes I just don't feel like its fair to me. Especially because I feel he hasn't devoted anything to me or this baby. I mostly hurt for my baby though. I don't feel that Andrew's gunna grow up soon. I don't blame him, though. We're only 18, its young and I of all people understand that. He doesn't realize that I'm in the same situation he's in..
But still, its not fair that we BOTH made this kid and I'm the one thats suffereing for it. I don't get to do the things we used to. And I'm the one that's working and going to school for Cole, and I feel that he has no motivation to do either. Not even having Cole is enough motivation for him.
I guess if everything doesn't work out, I won't be the one missing out. Andrew will be missing out on his son, and as sad as that makes me, it's the choice he's making. I just thank God everyday that his and my family are so supportive and I know if he's not going to be there, they will.
I love both of my families so much.

Anyway, another thing on my mind is PROM. I got my dress to fit, I'm getting it back on Monday and then I'm going to go look for jewelry. It's going to be a great night!

And guess what, May 4th is coming so soon (that's my last day of my high school career!) and May 9th is right after that. It's so amazing that I've been able to get through high school. CRAZY! COLLEGE, HERE I COME!!!

Love*

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

LAST NIGHT...

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...I felt the baby kick from the outside! OMG, it was the coolest thing of my whole life. I wish Andrew would've been there to feel it but oh well. I got to feel my little Cole. He's so great, and I technically don't even know him yet. But I will in August. It couldn't come any quicker.

Well, Andrew and I ordered his tux yesterday and its great :).
It's white with black pinstripes and he has black and white shoes. they're great.
:)

so excited for PROM! :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I feel so grown up.

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I know it's only normal, because I'm pregnant, but it's so sad. I don't like feeling so grown up because all of my friends are still high school seniors and although we're all going to college (and they'll be going to college before me) I feel like I'm 30, while they're all still 18.
I also feel like I'm in a marriage with Andrew. It's not bad, but at the same time I'm trying to please him so much, I've forgotten about my friends. But anyway, all of my old friends are in to different things. Even Chelsey & Briana. I know Chels & I will always be the type of friends that haven't seen each other forever but talk about every day. But idk about Briana and I anymore. I'm losing her, and I can tell, ha. :/ It seems that she's always doing something else and I'll text her and a lot of times I won't even get a reply. Oh well, I guess it's whatever anymore. No one but me and maybe Andrew will be there when the baby's here. I guess that's all I should care about. I DON'T KNOW.

I've been so emotional lately. All I want to do is cry or be in a very great mood. it's crazy. UGH.
Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. Maybe it will be good, but very doubtful because it's monday. GOOOOOOOODNIGHT.



it's my baby!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

YAY!

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I got my first ultrasound thursday and it was amazing to see my baby. HE'S so cute! Andrew is so happy its a boy, he's LOVIN' it! I'm happy too.
At first, I really really wanted a girl, but once I felt that it was a boy, I was really happy with a boy. YAY. I'm so happy I can't even fathom it, really. It was great to see my baby. He's so cute and I can't wait to see how handsome he is outside of the ultrasound. ;alksdjf;lkafjd !!!!!

Today, Henry and I went shopping, kind of. I got a shirt and a cardigan, which isn't that much, but I got some clothes for the baby. 3 onesies that are super cute and a shirt and pants set that is my favorite. It's blue and brown and says "good looks run in the family". :) how cute.
I love shopping for my little one! He's going to be the best dressed baby.

Well anyway, I'm going to go lay down and what not. Nite! *

Monday, March 29, 2010

wow.

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this last week, I've been more tired than I've ever been in my WHOLE life. Not exhausted or whatever like I felt in my 1st trimester, but I'm actually tired. I have dark circles around my eyes and bags under my eyes. I missed so much school last week, and I didn't even go today. It's so close to graduation, it's hard for me not to be worried about school. BUT I'm so tired all of the time, it's hard not to sleep in a little bit some days. UGH it's frustrating! I'm just glad school's almost over.

On the bright side, it's such a nice day out! It's amazing that spring is finally showing up in good ole Nebraska. :) I think I'll go play outside with my dog in a little bit!

I GET TO FIND OUT THE BABY'S SEX THIS THURSDAY! :D I am so EXCITED! I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. I don't even mind if it's a boy or a girl, I just want a healthy baby. AH, I can't wait to see my babyyyy. And I know Andrew can't wait either! He's super excited because he wants to find out that it's a BOY lol.
I actually had a dream last night that the doctor told us that our baby's going to be a boy! Either way, I don't mind lol.

Well, it's too nice out to be on here, so I will update most likely on thursday and let everyone know what's up! <3

Saturday, March 20, 2010

OH MY GOSH...

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This morning I think I felt the baby move! It was like a little pitter patter in my lower stomach, and I was just waking up and I felt it and got excited and then got startled when my phone rang, and then it stopped. I'm not sure if it was my baby bean but I sure hope it was! It was the best feeling in the world!

Anyway, I watched Maci and Chelsea on the Today Show, they were on there on Friday I believe, and I just started bawling. I don't know why exactly, I just did. I think I'm just starting to realize that in about 4 months, I'm going to have a baby and my life is going to do a complete 360! My life is going to be tough and not always happy, but I'm just glad that I have my family to back me up. I don't want to be sad about my circumstances, but I am a little bit right now. I think I'm especially sad because I see how all of the couples on Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant are ending up, and I hate it. Now that I'm going to have a baby with Andrew, I don't want our relationship to become even harder, because I want him to be around for the baby all of the time, not just part time. I love him so much, and I love the baby so much, that I want us to be a little family but also be HAPPY.

I'm really having trouble finding clothes now. I'm starting to get bigger, that it's really hard for me to fit in to any of my clothes. I feel huge lol. But also, I'm trying to look for dresses, because I have some semi-formal things that I need to go to and nothing to wear! Well, I have a lot to wear, but it's all too small! And also, my prom dress. UGH. I have to order a size 10 in it because I'm gettting so big! it's crazy lol.
anyway, I'm going to go be the photographer for my cousins, cause this is their first winterball ever! :) bye!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

High school and stuff...

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It's so weird that in less than two months, I will never be a high school student again. It's very bittersweet, because I don't know whether I'll miss any part of it or not. I'm sure I'll miss some people, but I don't care about others. Also, I won't miss the drama, I know that for sure. In college and the real world, nobody cares about your drama and people look down on you for shit talking, they don't really join in. Oh well, whatever. I'm sick of most aspects of high school, I'm glad that I'm out!

Anyway, I'm watching this show Addicted on TLC, and it's super interesting. I can definitely relate with some of it. Not that I've ever been addicted to anything, but I know many and especially one person dear to my heart that has. It breaks my heart to see that, and that's why I've never tried a drug. I've gotten curious but never actually done something because I can't. I could never cause that pain to any of my family. :( it's so sad!

Anyway, baby stuff now. My mom has been buying a lot of basics: onesies, booties, hats, socks, towels, bedding, and blankies. It's amazing. I need to start buying stuff for me and that baby too! Especially a lot of clothes. Ahh, I just want to know if it's a boy or a girl tho! EVERYONE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR TOMORROW. HOPEFULLY DR. KENNA WILL DO AN ULTRASOUND. She said she wanted to wait but maybe I can beg her? :) lol, I want to atleast see my baby! I'm already 4 months and 3 weeks! Uh hello?! I need to see my baby bean<3!
Well, I'm probably going to sleep soon, its getting late! Night all! <3

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Ha.

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The past week has been GOOD. Andrew is just making me so happy and making me fall more and more in love with him.
We've spent the past few days together just hanging out, and playing call of duty, and just being with each other. It's been really nice.
I think I've learned to let go a little bit, instead of me calling him all of the time, he calls me, and if he wants to do this thaang then I let him do it, because the more I try and stop him and nag him about it, the more he'll want to do it behind my back.
I'd like to try and keep everything open between us..because everything feels so much better that way!
I've been thinking a lot about Andrew and I and how long we'll be together...well more so, how long we're capable of being together. As of right now, I really feel that I could spend the rest of my life with him, but then there's always those downs that make me think that he has a lot of changing to do!


Anyway, back to school tomorrow. Woo, how fun...NOT.
Better try and get some sleep, night!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I feel like it's been forever.

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But it's really only been like 3 days! Nothing has really happened, ha. My life is pretty much the same every day, but spring break has been very relaxing so, it's good.
Andrew and I are doing well..not great, but well. We can't ever do great until he becomes responsible and considerate most of the time instead of just sometimes, or never.

So anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what it's going to be like to graduate. It's crazy that in about 7 weeks, I will no longer be a high school student. YAY! And summer will be amazing too. I get to go to Texas for a week or so and see my daddy and my 2 baby sisters! I'm so excited. Every summer I look forward to seeing them, not to mention beautiful Texas. It's just going to be crazy driving to Texas with my sister and being super prego! AHH. And I don't know if I can go with out Andrew! He's like my husband now a days. I'm not super sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but its whatever right now. I'm not really trying to focus on HIM anymore, like I usually do, but now I'm trying to focus on myself, the baby, and US as a whole (me, Andrew, and the baby).

Anyway, I'm done with today. It isn't a bad day necessarilyl, but I feel like my family is just ganging up on me. Well my mom and my sister anyway. It's like, wow, thanks for making me feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth guys. Especially with hormones like I have now, it's like anything they say hurts 10x more and makes me cry 10x harder, and I really don't want to cry right now. Or ever, ha.

Well anyway, I'll update later when I have something to actually update about. Love ya guys!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Attraction.

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I've been thinking lately about why I was every attracted to Andrew in the first place. He's unreliable, unresponsible, loud, big show off, stubborn, impulsive, and an ass. & Honestly, I think those are all of the reasons I was attracted to him in the first place. I didn't realize it until now, so maybe all that attraction was subconsciously but it happened. When I met Andrew, I was a quiet and shy PARTY GIRL. I know that sounds like it doesn't go together lol, but I am honestly quiet and shy.
Anyway, I think I was attracted to all his qualities, because I didn't want anything serious. I just wanted to have someone to be with and have fun with at parties!
But you'll be happy to know that Andrew does have good qualities. He's been really cute about the whole pregnancy thing and slowly but surely is stepping up. I mean very slowly but still. Like last night, we went over to a friends house and they all smoke and obviously I'd rather not have people smoke around me, but it's not my house and I can just choose to walk away. Anyway, one person lit up a cigarrette pretty close to me and Andrew pushed him out of the room and told everyone they had to smoke in the back room lol. I love him. Even though sometimes I feel that his bad qualities over power his good.
Oh well....

I still haven't felt the baby move, but I reallllly want to! I'm so excited to feel my baby bean move. Ahhh!

Ok good night everyone, muah.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Just another day...

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Andrew and I have had a good day so far. We're both happy and at the moment, he is going to the store to get my hot dog buns because I reallllly want a hot dog. It's funny because I usually don't like eating hot dogs! But baby's craving it so mommy's getting it!

There's not really much going on with the baby. Still haven't felt him move, which makes me kind of sad :(. I really want to feel the baby move! Baaabbyyy bean please do it! I can't wait! :)

Well, I hope everyone is having a good day, and good lives and what not. Ok :) good bye.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Well, I'm content

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I've decided to NOT beg Andrew to try harder, or be a great boyfriend or do things for me, because I shouldn't have to. He should want to be there for me and the baby, and if he's got other priorities, I will enjoy my time alone and with other people. It's just how it should be.
Anyway, other than that little vent, I'm pretty content. I'm actually hanging out and enjoying my family and friends. I honestly thought I was losing Briana, but I think a lot of it was my fault. I got pregnant and I made Andrew my life, I think I was just scared to lose him. I still am, definitely, but it's not as bad, because if he leaves me, then he never cared and I will not care anymore. I'm just glad that I hung out with Briana today for a little bit! She got her tattoo, it looks so good :) I can't wait to get my own. Not for a while, but still!
Well my belly's growing, my pants officially no longer button. One pair does but its super tight and uncomfortable, I'm not going to suffocate the baby! :P
I'm so excited for this baby and I really feel like it's going to be a baby boy. It doesn't bother me at all, I will love him or her no matter what, because it's my baby! duh. :)

Anyway, school is a little stressing at the moment. Especially english. ugh. I hate working on this term paper, it sucks. my paper sucks ha.
Well, I feel that there is nothing else important to talk about here, so I'm going to end this post before I ramble about nothing. Have a great night everyone!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Hahahah, that's what I have to say.

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You know what, I am so content with myself. Usually, if I hear that someone's talking shit about me (especially now if it has to do with my kid) I would walk right the fuck up to them and tell them they can say it to my face and then probably hit them for talking shit on me. Well anyway, today I hear that some bitches are saying shit about me and I'm like first of all, who the fuck are you? I don't know you, that means you definitely don't know who the fuck I am, so shut your fucking mouth. I hope they read this blog and feel good with themselves for being PUSSYs. If I knew who you were, I'd go up to you and say something. But I'm going to use something called self restraint. I never talk about how big of sluts they are, or how stuck up and stupid they act, which is really funny because that's bad, not being pregnant and strong. So I feel good, because even though I won't say anything to them, I don't say anything about them, because everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. I hope that they get their karma, whether I'm around to see it or not, they will get it. I hope they go to their calc class and make fun of me some more, because that shows whos the grown up one. Get over your high school fucking drama. We're not 12 anymore, girls. But that's your choice.

Phew, I feel better now. You know what? Through everything, I know I'm going to be ok. I feel so immune to a lot of things. And I even feel grown up about a lot of things. I'm over the high school shit, I'm too good for that. A lot of us are and we're over it.
Anyway, whether things work out with me and Andrew or not, whether people keep talking shit on me and my situation or not, or whether I will ever be the same person I used to be or not, doesn't even concern me anymore, I feel refreshed. My mind is open and I'm ready to have this baby. I feel so much stronger than my peers because they have no idea what this is like except for what I or others are telling them. I love my baby bean and that's what I'm living for now. <3
Have a good night everyone.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Okay.

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Well, I'm taking a break from my term paper. I have gotten 3 pages done...that's it. It has to be atleast 10 pages to get an A on it. UGH.
Well anyway, I just wanted to take this little time to say I LOVE CHELSEY & BRIANA SO MUCH. They have stuck by my side as my REAL friends since they found out I was pregnant. Yeah, we still don't hang out as much, but they are still there for me and make me feel better even when my day is shittier than SHIT. lol.
Well I guess that's it for now, except for I think that I'm getting sick. I'm all stuffed up and I have a really back headache. Hope everyone is well, have a good night! <3

RE: Bashing boys

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K, first off I'd like to say: Chase & Drew...didn't say anything bad about you. I didn't hear that you said anything bad about me, so why would I say anything about you. KellEn, yes I said that you are not perfect, but didn't you already know that?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY BLOG, DON'T READ IT! & That goes for anyone who doesn't like what I write. HELLO, no one is making you read it so don't, if you don't like it. Also, I'd like to say the point of my blog so everyone is clear: I don't care if anyone reads this or not. What I care about is that I get my feelings out somewhere. I could do it on paper, but I chose to do it here. Whether it's true or not, I believe that maybe another pregnant teenager can read this and not feel alone. This isn't for people to get butt hurt over or mad over & if you are getting mad over this, either you did something wrong to anger me, or you don't agree with an 18 year old being pregnant. Either way, I DON'T CARE. THIS IS FOR ME.
And for those of you who have been really supportive, I really appreciate you. Anyone that gives feedback on facebook or to my face at school have really brightened each day for me. My life is totally not the same and you have made it just a little bit better for the time being. THANK YOU & I LOVE YOU GUYS.
Also, one more thing: Sorry I mispelled Kellen in my blog before. Bye.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

So..

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Andrew came over last night, and it was good. Finally, right?
Um, didn't go to school today either, too tired. I took about a 3 hour nap yesterday and it felt greeeeeeat, but then it was hard to sleep and stay asleep last night. And now i have to work today :( I really don't want to, though. I'm sick of working at the Red, it's the same damn thing every day and I'm sick of people and ugh. I just want to stay home all day and do my thing.
I'm kind of excited for my maternity leave, though, I can't wait to have the baby and hold him and love him and spend time just mommy & baby. I'm so excited! It's amazing and I love being pregnant. With or without the support, I've got my baby! But I'd love the support anyway :) ha.
WELL, I think I will go now, and keep eating the day away until I go to work. Bleh. :( Ha, ook, bye!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Yup...

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To this minute right now, I still haven't seen Andrew. He says that he's going to come over in like 30 minutes but psh, doubt that's going to happen. It sucks.
I've been thinking a lot lately and I don't know what to do about anything. I don't even know where to start. I'm sick of filling out a million papers about my income, my parents income, and random questions on who what where when why I need the help with college and stuff. Ugh, I wish I could just say "YES I NEED FINANCIAL HELP. I'M NOT LYING!" It's horrible, I'm so sick of it.
I've decided to give Andrew a ultimatum, because I'm sick of him being supportive one day and then unsupportive & problematic for 5 days. So tonight if he comes over I will tell him "You can either step up, be there for me every day, or get out and not make me suffer from the stress you bring everyday." I'm not sure I'm ready to have him out of my life, but I can't think about me, not anymore. It's about my baby and I can't be so stressed out every day and crying because that's not good for the baby. So, if he's not going to be a good boyfriend, I'm done. As much as I love him and want my baby to know his/her daddy, idk if that will happen.
I'm just sick of Andrew letting me down. And it's not like every day, I understand that, but it's the majority of the time. But I guess I'll stop worrying about it. I just need to worry about my baby. Ahh, I love you my little baby bean :)
Well yesterday I got a phone call from the clinic saying that I have an infection in my urine so I'm taking antibiotics for that. Also, I'm anemic so I have to take Iron too. Not a big deal I guess, but I thought I'd let everyone know my medical status. We're also working on our Medicaid case to make sure I can keep my medical assistance because without that, I can't do anythinggggggg. Oh well, goodnight my loves. I hope I see Andrew soon!

Monday, February 22, 2010

UGH!

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I feel so pathetic! I have no life, seriously. At least that's what I feel like.
I miss my friends. But now that I think about it, I guess they weren't really my friends. I guess they were just people I partied with and only called me when I did party. Now that I'm pregnant, I don't get one call, let alone a little text to hang out. BARELY anyway. And it's like well fuck you too. I wish I could be out on weekends partyin' it up like I used to be! It was fun and careless and I loved it! And now I don't really have those people that I used to have so much fun with.
Also, my boyfriend. UGH! :( It's like on the weekends he has no girlfriend. It sucks. If I do see him on the weekends, it's like at 11 o 'clock at night and it's for an hour because he wants to go home or I'm just very tired. Otherwise, he'll just ditch me. Or not call, or something. It's fucking heartbreaking. Haven't seen him since thursday, and I don't think he cares. But if I say anything to him, he always complains that I nag, so why the fuck say anything anyway!? GRR.
Well, today, I got a letter from Medicaid saying that I will no longer get medical assistance because I failed to give my caseworker info and i'm PISSED. Ugh, fucking cunt. She calls me one morning saying that she needs some of my mom's info & some of my sister's info. The catch is that she needs it all THAT DAY! and my mom is busy at work and I'm at school so wtf? Well anyway, my mom DID what she asked and gave her the information she asked for and faxed it to her before 4. And now I get this. I got this letter and bawled because what can I do? I don't have insurance because my mom got rid of it because it was expensive and never paid for anything. SO now I'm fucked. I can't pay for every doctor's visit. I can barely pay for my car payment and insurance right now. :'(
I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I'm so bummed and hurt and shocked. I'm sorry my little baby bean. I don't know if I can do this.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'm super bummed :(

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I didn't see Andrew at all yesterday. Or today. It sucks. I really miss him.
Even being with out him for two days makes me miss him a lot. And also realize how much I love him and need him in my life as an every day thing.
I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately because I care about Andrew so much. He's my life and he keeps me going. He keeps me on my toes but also keeps me in love.
Even though he's a huge asshole sometimes, I know he really loves me, I can really tell. He's amazing in a lot of ways people don't know because he's a mean person in general. He's so mean to other people but I've gotten to know him. Not the personality that he puts out. But the funny, charming, and smart him. I love my baby to death <3.
We're going to be a cute little family. I know it's not going to be easy, or fun at times, but it'll be worth it 100%. Everyone should give me feedback, because i want to know if marriage is completely stupid for a girl my age. Or at least engagement. Hmm..
Goodnight sweethearts <3

Thursday, February 18, 2010

YAY!

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Yesterday and today have actually been surprisingly good. Andrew and I have been getting along verrrry well. Yesterday we spent the day together. Well, not really the day cuz I had to go to school and work but when I wasn't at school or working, we hung out. Today we hung out while I wasn't at school and went to the DOCTOR! :)
Yay! So, I was kind of scared to go to this doctor because I had never seen her before and my mom said she didn't like woman doctors because sometimes they were rougher than man doctors. IDK. She wasn't rough or anything but the BEST part was....I GOT TO HEAR THE BABY'S HEART BEAT! It was soo amazing. :) I cried lol. I got so emotional, I couldn't help it. Andrew was so happy to hear the heartbeat too, I could tell. He was so cute when we left the doctor's office, he was like "I'm so happy we're having a kid, baby" & I was very happy to hear that from him.
As much as we both mess up (mostly him ha ha), we're both going to love this baby with everything we have, I know it.
AHH. So excited for everything. YAY. kdsj;alskjf;k Ok bye.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I feel like shit everyday.

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And I know it's not good for the baby! But I can't help it. I'm so stressed, I'm sick. Andrew's attitude and behavior are driving me up the wall & I don't know what to do.
Someday's we're incredibly good and other days it's super bad & i haven't even done anything! Stupid drug withdrawl symptoms, he's moody as fuck.
I find myself crying every day. & not only just some tears, it's like a bawling fit. I don't know what TO DO! I don't want to stress anymore because I've heard that can be a reason for miscarriage. & I can't have that. I'm so attached to this baby already, I can't let my baby go. I'm not even sad for me anymore. I'm sad for my unborn baby. I want it to have the best life & I feel that Andrew won't be that for the baby. I love Andrew, though. I really do. He's my everything, best friend, & I understand he's going through a rough time right now, but he's not understanding that I'M going through a rough time, too.
Being pregnant has really taken a toll on my life. I feel like I have no friends, no social life, my school work has gone down the drain, and I have no motivation for anything. GRR. I feel like my life is really going down the drain, but I know I'm better than that. I just hope Andrew can grow up too because that's one thing that's really getting to me & making me sick & stressed. I already missed 2 days of school this week.
My head ache's are getting worse and the crying fits are horrible. I feel so depressed.
The ONE thing I'm looking forward to right now is my doctor's appointment is this thursday! I don't know who's coming with me, but I know someone I love will be with me!
Ok, I'm going to try and be happy all tonight and tomorrow (even though I have to work tmr, boo.) no matter what. FOR THE BABY.
k byeee.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Today is Valentine's Day.

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But it doesn't feel like it for me. Feels like any other sad day I've had this week. :( I'm pouting, is that so wrong? I feel like crap. I worked from 9-530 and I thought, maybe Andrew has something planned or he will atleast come over right when I get off...NOPE..i pick d) none of the above. He still hasn't showed up or texted in about 30 minutes and I'm just bummed. I mean, it shouldn't take a special holiday to make me happy but even a special holiday hasn't made him want to come over & see me & tell me he loves me or something. I'm really upset. I keep holding back tears.
I know I deserve a better behavior from him, but will I ever get it? I don't think so! I keep thinking about next January when I go back to school and how I won't be working because I'll have a fairly new baby and how I will have to rely on Andrew for money, & it sounds nice to have someone work for me but is that reality? I don't think so. I want to believe in him, but I can't anymore I really can't.
So am I over reacting? Or is this ok? I don't know. GRR.
I'm just so mad at everything and mostly at myself for putting myself in this situation in the first place. So, I guess I'll go to bed or something, since I have no valentine to spend it with. Good night.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

This is going to be short.

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But I have a feeling that I'm going to have a baby boy. As much as I want to have a girl, I really feel that I'm going to have a boy. Either way I will be happy, as long as my baby is healthy, that's all that matters! But i want to KNOW because everytime I see baby clothes, I want to buy it. But I don't know what to get! I don't even want to get neutral because I think the gender oriented clothes are so much cuter <3 lol.
Well, the only thing left to say isss....that Andrew and I are going to Lincoln tomorrow to do some shopping for moi* I need some new clothes really bad! I got maternity pants yesterday, though, for work because I was in NEED. But I'm also going to go there and get his valentine present. Hopefully I can find a Milwaukee Brewers fitted cap black on black. I know he loves hats so I decided to get him that...good huh? Well I think so :)
K have a good day everyone!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Like my new layout?

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I do! It's in honor of Valentine's Day, which is this weekend! The first time in 2 years that I have a valentine. 2 actually! Baby bean is my valentine as well as Andrew.
Well, here's a little update on what's been going on. Andrew and I are good, I'm just super emotional lately, I think sometimes I make things worse between him & I with out meaning to, ha :/.
Hmm, what else...OH YA. Chelsey and I worked together yesterday and she told me about an experience she had with some of our old friends in her class. I think it was Chase, Drew, Kellan, and some guy named Pete or Peter or something. Well anyway, they asked her if I was pregnant & she said ya (of course) and they were just baffeled. Drew & Chase were like "that's so weird/crazy blah blah blah" and I guess Kellan was talking shit. I don't know about me or me being pregnant or Andrew, not sure. Well I just want to say something in regards of that: Yes, Andrew has had some troubles and yes he's not perfect, but I can tell you right now, none of those three guys are perfect ESPECIALLY not Kellan. It hurts my heart so bad to hear that someone was talking shit on me or my man. I understand & I knew something like that would come sooner or later, but it really sucks to hear. I love Andrew with all my heart & we're both fighting to be better people for each other and our unborn child. So please, little boy, don't talk shit on someone when I can tell you right now: you're not perfect, either. Its the fact of life, guys.
Well now that I vented that, I don't have much else to tell except that we have a 5 day weekend! The only sucky part is that I work saturday and sunday and it's going to be SO busy at the red because of Valentine's Day. Is anyone doing anything special for v-day? I think Andrew and I will do something since I have sunday night off, but we'll see.
Anyway, pregnancy wise, I still haven't had my first appt. Isn't that crazy?! Everyone was so booked when I made my appt PLUS my OB/GYN was in some legal trouble at the time so he couldn't see me right away. He no longer works there (his choice) and so I got a new doctor that I've never even see! I don't even know if it's a girl or guy. I'll just have him/her for this first appt and if I feel uncomfortable, I will switch to Andrew's mom's OB/GYN because she loves her doc. I'm starting to feel a lot more pregnant, though. My tummy is getting better and Andrew and the rest of my friends & family are starting to see it. Andrew is starting to bond a little bit more with my belly, not a lot but he'll kiss it and rub it from time to time. It's cute <3. :D
Wow, I feel like this post is so long. I can't wait until I can show everyone who reads this my first baby picture. How exciting!!
Have a good day, week, and Valentine's Day everyone! <3

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Well..

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This weekend hasn't been my favorite. I've definitely felt unloved and huge. My fricken work pants don't fit me, and my jeans are getting there as well.. GR
I hate feeling this way. Anyway, I guess Andrew got sick of me this week and decided to only spend a few hours with me this weekend and not see me at all today. It sucks because, I know I messed up, but I'm trying to make things more about him too, cuz I thought maybe he felt left out because I was getting attention. But now, I'm not getting any attention. I feel like I've lost all of my friends. I don't hang out with any of them, I don't even know when any of them are free because Briana works all the time and when she's not, she has plans. I feel stupid asking her all the time because the last time I asked her to hang out and stay the night all I got as a reply was "I have plans already" So I'm like cooool. And Chelsey will always be my best friend, but again, always working when I'm not and I'm working when she's not and then plans fall thru. Then my other friends like Aubrey, Rikki, and Justine seem to get a hold of me only to tell me they miss me, not to actually hang out with me. I don't know, its really tough. I feel like I have no one. Not even my family because my sister is always with her boyfriend and I love hanging out with my mom, but most of the time she is hanging out with my cousins and my aunt. But I don't know, I guess I must just be a drama queen. It's probably all in my head.
OH WELL RIGHT.

anyway, I'm like very sick of school right now, even this 3 day week seems like it's going to be a drag. I don't want to do it anymore. :( I'm so sick of dealing with life, and the sucky part is that I got myself in to everything that I'm in. I don't know if I can do this, I feel like I can barely keep myself alive and well, how can I be a mom to a precious little creature? I don't think I can. I'm not sure what to think or do right now. I guess, whatever. I don't know.

Everyone have a good night, please, for me? <3