Tuesday, June 26, 2012

S#!t's about to get real....

Ok, every one that reads this blog knows how much I love Teen Mom and 16&P. I can relate to it fully, I really can! We all go through similar hardships and I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only mother going through this. The thing that has been bothering me lately, though, is the "glamorizing teen pregnancy" question and claim that the show has been receiving. Up until today, I always said "NO WAY!", but now, I'm thinking "Maybe it does..."

Being a young mother myself, I know the hardships I am going through. Just thinking if I had a camera in my face, I might not be going through all of this. My family is struggling with money issues *so hard* that I can't pay all of my bills and I have to work *every day* to ensure that things do get paid, even if not on time. On the show, you never see these girls going through money problems. Maybe in the first season, yes, almost everyone has a job and has something go wrong with money, but now? They all have new cars, new houses, they've bought their own homes, moved to new places, etc. Gah, it bothers me! I do realize that these girls do other things than just be Teen Moms, but they started on the show and made money off of the show. Now they are probably set for a while, if not for life! Not even to mention that their kids probably have their college paid for once they get there. It's so disheartening because I'm sure to young moms, this is something they could have if they could get on the show. So in a way, yes, this show is glamorizing being a young mom. It's sad, because, I don't know how to say this without sounding entitled but....I feel like if they can have it so easy at this age, why can't I? And the reason why I can say they have it easy is because I am also a young mom. I got pregnant at the same time they did, I had a baby as a teenager just like they did, but they are riding around in nice cars and buying houses while I'm struggling to pay my electric bill before my rent takes all of my hard-earned money. It makes me sick, it really does. I'm so glad that those girls got a big "break", although I do agree that they did have to give up a lot of privacy, but they are taken care of. They don't have to worry about things like I do. Maybe I'm just bitching because I'm going through a lot of things right now, but having a pay check like they do would be so helpful in this moment. I just hate living like I am. Being uncertain about so many things in my life, it makes me very emotional and although being emotional at times is ok, I'm sick of being like this every day.

How do you get through tough times?


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Am I really happy?

Right now, I'm not sure. I've been fine, but fine is not happy. Fine is just that, fine. My relationship is fine, but I feel that we've been suffering lately. We've been together for about 3.5 years and have definitely had ups and downs (just read old posts in this blog!!) but have definitely gotten to a good place. Now that we are here, I just feel that we don't know where to go with it. We both love each other completely, that's not the problem. The thing is, we are not used to this relationship. We are used to a volatile, unhealthy relationship. We didn't hang out that much, and when we did it was partying. After I got pregnant, Andrew still wasn't stepping up and was gone all.the.time. I barely saw him unless it was convenient for him. Even when Cole was born, Andrew was out multiple times a week at all hours. It was frustrating, but I got used to being with him, but without him. Now that he's not the "party" guy anymore, it's different. It's something that will take time to get used to, only because it's a whole different world for me.

Anyway, Andrew and I sat down tonight and chatted a little bit. He's really missing Grand Island and his friends there. I completely get that. Andrew doesn't really have friends in Lincoln and I think it's bringing him down. I hate to see him sad or lonely or just frustrated. I, on the other hand, do not really miss GI. I miss my mom, I miss living in her house (rent free, hello!), I miss being young and free, but I don't actually miss being there. I like Lincoln. I like my freedom. I really like that I'm doing what I wanted to do; baby or not. So, here's the dilemma. I don't want my boyfriend to be unhappy, because that makes our relationship suffer. I want him to be happy, because I want to happy with him. What do we even do? It's confusing...


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Look at that face.


"everything I do, I do for you." This can be applied to many things in life, but especially applies to my little man. Seriously, my life revolves around him. I can't believe I went from being 100% about me to all about Cole. I love it though. I work so hard to make sure my family stays a float and Andrew is doing a great job as well!

In other news, I got a second job! We were doing okay as it was, hut my serving job can be so unpredictable that I needed to find a laid back second job. So I'm working at a tanning salon that is getting ready to open. It's minimum wage, but at least I know what I'm making for sure when I go in there instead of hoping to make so much money. I will still keep my serving job, because there are days I make *great* money, but at this point, I want a change of pace and a paycheck. And this job is so laid back and easy that it will be a nice break from working in a restaurant. I feel like a stereotype though. I'm a young mom, struggling, now with two jobs. I don't care, I think I'm doing a good job. I am sad that I'm giving up time with Cole, though. I hate that, but I will have evenings off that I will be able to have supper and play time with him. I also het breakfast and a little play time in the morning. I'll just have to make the best of my situation. One day I'll be able to spend all day with him and I hope he never resentment towards me in the future. Obviously he won't remember this time, but I'll always be working 2 jobs or working a job and going to school and I'm going to be struggling for awhile. It's what I set myself up for by getting pregnant so young. By having a child so young. By being so irresponsible, I have in turn, made myself so responsible it hurts! No, but really, my life is about to get 10x more hectic than it already was!

Hopefully, I'll still have "me" time once in a while and friend time would be great! We'll see how everything goes, and I hope I don't go insane!


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Boys vs. Girls

I'm currently watching Dance Moms (why? I don't know, background noise I guess.) and it made me think of the drama behind moms of groups like this. Obviously, we see that most of the drama of this show is between the dance teacher, Abby, and the moms. The kids just have to deal with their crazy moms. This reminds me of my sister being in cheer leading and my mom never wanting to go to any meetings or anything really having to do anything with the parents because of the drama between the parents. If there was something they didn't like, there was drama, and my mom's not like that. Sure, there was drama between the cheer leaders as well, but that comes with the territory of a bunch of teenage girls.
So, this makes me think. Is it the same way with boys and sports? Is there drama between parents and coaches, or just between parents? I want Cole to be involved in a lot of things, if he likes them. I also want to be very involved with anything he does, I just want to know if I will have to prepare myself for drama. I hate drama, but I don't want it to stop me from being involved with his sports or extra activities! So let me know, if any parents or family were ever involved in football, soccer, or hockey and if there was animosity or drama between parents.