Wednesday, April 27, 2011

a big change for my little family...

I am moving out for the summer. Well, Cole and I are moving out this summer. It's not like a bitter break up or anything, I just think it's what's best for us for right now. I think that Andrew needs to learn that he's a father, needs to grow up, and needs to appreciate me! I do so much for him, he needs to see that if he keeps ignoring me, I won't be there anymore. I love him so much, I'm willing to do anything to make this relationship work.
I'm really excited to go live with my mom and work with the old crew, but I'm not too excited about living with out Andrew. I trust him fully, that's not the problem, but it will be sad to sleep alone at night...

SO BITTERSWEET. I'm already tearing up because I'm sad about leaving, but I feel like it just needs to be done...
Okaaaay...well that's it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

VENT..and other things.

Ok, so I love Andrew. A lot. Obviously why I've been with him for 2+ years. Probably why I've put up with a bunch of his shit..
That sounds bad, but really. He's had a job off and on during our relationship. All his money went to him, even when I was pregnant he didn't help me pay for anything, I paid for it or asked my mom. When Cole was born, Andrew pretty much quit his job. I don't really know why. But anyway, it's been such a struggle for Andrew to keep a job...let alone get one! Ugh, it's so frustrating!
Also, he did have a job at a supermarket but got fired because he called of 3 times or whatever. So anyway, the time he was there he made about $600, and I think I saw about $200-$300 of it for bills or whatever it was. Umm, so where did the other half of it go? Um, I don't really know. Something I don't approve of, thats for sure.
Anyway, although he's given me money, it's been very minimal. I've been working MY ASS OFF the entire time we've lived on our own. I started off by working 5 days a week, sometimes split shifts, and then paying all of the bills. by my damn self. Then when I started school, I started only working 3 days a week and still paying for things by myself. He got a job, barely paid for anything. And now, hm, I have about $100 of his money to pay the bills with. That's awesome. I have so much to pay for this month and I asked him for the other $100 he was going to give me and said "um it's my money!"
ARE YOU SERIOUS. We live in a crappy apartment we can barely pay for, have dish, phone & internet that we can barely pay for, have to pay for electricity, energy, gas for the car, Cole's things, but oh, I'm sorry Andrew, I didn't realize it's your money. You're right, you do what you want with it. It's not like all of my money goes to the bills, you & Cole. It's not like I make sure you two are taken care of before I even THINK about myself. No. I haven't been able to really buy anything for myself since before I was effing pregnant. But yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot it was your money..

So this month, as I'm struggling to pay for anything right now, I'm crying about everyday. The stress of paying the bills, doing this, doing that, always falls on me. I'm the one that has to make sure everything gets paid. And you know, I wouldn't even mind if that was my responsibility if I had more help actually paying for it. But I'm pissed. I'm sick of living with someone that thinks it's okay to act like they have no responsibilities. I'm sick of living with someone that only care about themself, and only wants to take care of themself. I'm sick of living with someone that leaves all of the fiscal responsibilites to a mother, hard effing worker, and full-time student. It's shit. It's a shitty situation and it's not fair to me. Or Cole.
I don't know what to do, what action to take. I don't want to break my family apart, and I know if I do I'll hear hell from ALL sides, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of being the only adult in my house..

Anyway, I hope everyone has a happy easter! I'm going to my mom's house for the weekend, I'm SO excited to see her and spend time with her.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


It was like I was meant to fail Poli Sci..
I set my alarm last night for 645 AM so I could study. I got up, studied until about 8 and then figured I could sleep for just a biiit longer before my test at 930. Welll, I set my alarm again for 850, so I could just get up, fix myself up a bit, and then go take my test. WELL, guess what? I set my alarm for 850 PM. Ugh. I slept through my test. & She doesn't do any make-ups. So whatever. I guess I'm just supposed to fail that class. I don't care. I'll just have to do better next semester...


Anyway, Andrew got the job at Wal*Mart, but for now, we're still relyin on my measly income :/
I want to get a second job but don't know if that's a good idea..we'll see!
I guess I should go study and then play with my baby boy! His 9 month appt is monday, so excited!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


It is beautiful out! The sun is shining bright & I love it! It's still pretty chilly, but whatever. I'll take what I can get at this point.

Anyway, school is almost over. Next week is my last week of class & then finals and then, I'M DONE! For the summer anyway. It feels so good to finish my first semester in college. Ha, that sounds so weird. I'm definitely in dire need for this summer. And it's going to be a great one at that! Andrew's birthday is May 17, so that's REALLY coming up soon. My dad's is May 30. COLE'S BIRTHDAY IS JULY 24TH!!! I can't believe my little pride and joy will be a year old in about 3 months. That's too crazy to me. Already tearing up!
We're thinking about doing a jungle theme! And for one of his birthday presents, we're taking him to the Omaha Zoo! There is one here in Lincoln, but its a children's zoo, very small, and I haven't ever been to the Omaha Zoo. It looks amazing online, & Andrew says it's awesome :) So very excited!

Not too much else to update on. I'm trying to look for a second job for the summer but I want something that doesn't take up too much time and pays $10 or more. The reason for this is that I like working at Red Lobster. I've worked there for 3 years and just love the company. I want to work there over the summer, too, but it's just going to be very slow - it always is in summer. So that's my reasoning behind getting a second job. I don't know though. I guess I just might have to work at Red Lobster everyday this summer to make some good money!

I hope everyone's having a beautiful day!*

Thursday, April 14, 2011


I think I complain way too much. That is my biggest flaw, I think. I just complain and a lot of the times, I do nothing about it. I could be a lot more proactive in my life than I actually am..
Hard to admit, actually. Anyway, my life hasn't been all that exciting. Just being a mom, student, and part time server at the Lob. I'm just still trying to find that balance in life. I'm still not 100% sure if I want to pursue my BA. It sounds good and all, its just so hard focusing on school when I have a baby. Especially when I have a baby and a boyfriend that still acts like a kid. Don't get me wrong, I love Andrew, but our relationship is so inconsistent right now, I don't know if school can be for me. Everyone's like "you can do it, you can do it" and it's like I know I can, but I don't know if I want to work that damn hard for it. It's a struggle everyday. I hate it. I love it. I don't care about it, but I do. I don't know what I'm going to do. I signed up for my classes next semester and I pray to God that next semester goes better than this one, but I DON'T KNOW! I'm scared of failure and maybe that's why I don't want to go back. Or maybe it's because I'd like to pay all my bills on time and would rather work than rely on someone else to make most of the income.
I like having the security of when I'M making a lot of money that way I KNOW that things will get paid. With Andrew, he's a lot more irresponsible with his money than I'd like. I understand we're young and still learning, but c'mon. I need that consistent money coming in to pay. If it were just me, it'd be so easy. But it's not. I have a family, and I think we both need to be putting equal amount in. If not, how the hell is this family supposed to work? I don't know.
We both still have a lot of growing up to do. I just think some of my growing up is maybe not being so uptight. I need to learn to go out and have a good time once in a while. I need to learn to put myself first in some situations so I don't lose my mind. I need to learn that while being a mom is my first and foremost job, I need to be happy so Cole can be happy. And maybe I have learned that. I think I'm just scared to do anything "teen-like" because I don't want people that look down on teen moms to be "right" about me. I don't want to give them a reason to be like "wow, that's why teenagers shouldn't be moms" or blah blah blah. I don't know. I hate it when people talk shit. I hate it when they talk shit about me, and I think that's why I'm so careful about what I do. Because I do see a lot of teen moms go out excessively. Who's taking care of their babies? I don't know. It makes me feel sad, though. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an "over-the-top" mom.

Sorry about that rant. *vent over*

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

tribute to my mother/TM2 Reunion/update

Tribute to my mother:
I just want to say my mother is wonderful. Ever since I can remember, she has just been my best friend. She helps me out with WHATEVER she can. She is the greatest mother & grandmother anyone could ever ask for. She accepted my pregnancy (hesitantly) but she did. She helped me emotionally and financially when I thought I couldn't do it by myself. She was there for Cole & I and even Andrew who she has no obligation to, whenever any of us needed anything. She has been the best supporter ever! I can't say enough things about my mom to make her sound as good as she truly is. Her birthday is on Monday, and I don't know what to get her! I'm sure I'll think of something, but after all she's done for me since I found out I was pregnant, I feel like it needs to be very meaningful and perfect!

Teen Mom 2 Reunion:

All I can say about this is WOW. I was very emotional throughout the whole thing because I can relate to all of the girls..mostly. Jenelle, not so much, but whatever. Here's what I think about all of the girls!:
Chelsea: She's a beautiful, smart, wonderful mother. I'm happy she is so good to Aubree. Having said that, I think she needs to make the decision in her relationship life based on Aubree's well being. And I think her being with Adam is not healty for her OR Aubree. But I know she's a great mom and will ultimately make a decision that is good for her and her beautiful daughter!
Leah: She's beautiful, strong-willed, and a great mom! I admire her so much for being a great mom to twins and especially one with special needs. Both her girls are beautiful. Not going to lie, a little jealous that she is married and so happily married at that! I hope to one day get to that point with Andrew! I wish her all the best and hope Ali gets some answers!
Kailyn: What happened in the past, is the past, there's nothing you can do about that. I think both you & Jo need to work on your problems together or apart, I don't think you saw how much he actually cared about you and wanted to be there for you. It made me sad to hear that he saw you as his wife and all that. I felt really sad for him. But I do hope that you and Isaac and Jo are happy, together or apart. You all deserve it!
Jenelle: I'm sorry. I don't like you as the person we see on TV. Maybe you are really cool and really care to be a mom, but I don't see it. I feel so sorry for your son and even your naggy mom. I think they both deserve better. But for their sake, I hope you are truly working on yourself, because Jace deserves his mother.
That's my take on that! Sad to see them go, but SO excited to see the original girls!! :)

My dad and younger sister's are coming to see Cole & I. I am so excited! They are my half sisters, but they haven't met Cole yet. I'm so excited to see them because it's almost been a year!
Anyway, I guess there's nothing too new over here. Cole is babbling a lot more and clapping, it's so cute! He is standing in his crib and pack and play and virtually anywhere he has a hold on to something! It's so crazy. BLEH! Going to go buy his easter outfit tomorrow! So excited!

*night all!