complain, complain.

You know, I realize that there are people that are less fortunate than me, but I feel pretty fuckin' unfortunate right now. Money is always hard to come by for us, but it sucks even more right now. What am I going to get Cole or Andrew for Christmas? Well, nothing, because I don't even have money to buy groceries. I'm so sick of this. I mean, my mom tells me to ask God to help me but I do. And has he? Well, sorry to say this GOD, but no he hasn't. I completely have faith that ONE day I'll finally be able to relax and not have thoughts of "what are we going to eat today?" because we have 2 things in our fridge and some random cans in our cabinets. I'm just really sick of living this way. It's really no way to live. It makes me ill and I'm always feeling tired, sick to my stomach, or cranky because I just don't live a normal life anymore. Yes, I put myself here but FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sorry for the profanity but I can't yell that out loud right now because Cole's sleeping and I need to get something out of my system for now at least. I hate ranting and raving but UGA;LKJSDF;LAJF;LAJ, I'm just sick of my life. I really, really am. Not very many things can make me happy anymore and that's just so sad. Hopefully when I ready this in a few months, I'll be looking at this point thinking "Wow, I'm so glad I got past that." not something like "I wish I could go back there bc now we're even worse off than before."

WHY do these money problems keep coming our way. What kind of karma do I have built up on me?
I'm just seriously so, so sad.