Sunday, June 24, 2012

Am I really happy?

Right now, I'm not sure. I've been fine, but fine is not happy. Fine is just that, fine. My relationship is fine, but I feel that we've been suffering lately. We've been together for about 3.5 years and have definitely had ups and downs (just read old posts in this blog!!) but have definitely gotten to a good place. Now that we are here, I just feel that we don't know where to go with it. We both love each other completely, that's not the problem. The thing is, we are not used to this relationship. We are used to a volatile, unhealthy relationship. We didn't hang out that much, and when we did it was partying. After I got pregnant, Andrew still wasn't stepping up and was gone all.the.time. I barely saw him unless it was convenient for him. Even when Cole was born, Andrew was out multiple times a week at all hours. It was frustrating, but I got used to being with him, but without him. Now that he's not the "party" guy anymore, it's different. It's something that will take time to get used to, only because it's a whole different world for me.

Anyway, Andrew and I sat down tonight and chatted a little bit. He's really missing Grand Island and his friends there. I completely get that. Andrew doesn't really have friends in Lincoln and I think it's bringing him down. I hate to see him sad or lonely or just frustrated. I, on the other hand, do not really miss GI. I miss my mom, I miss living in her house (rent free, hello!), I miss being young and free, but I don't actually miss being there. I like Lincoln. I like my freedom. I really like that I'm doing what I wanted to do; baby or not. So, here's the dilemma. I don't want my boyfriend to be unhappy, because that makes our relationship suffer. I want him to be happy, because I want to happy with him. What do we even do? It's confusing...



Gmalone said...

This sounds super tough. You all just need to REALLY talk to one another. Get it all out and go from there. Best of luck :)

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