Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Normal, Happy Life.

That's what I want. I want to be a normal teenager. I want to be a happy girlfriend. I know every relationship has their ups and downs, but I feel that mine has WAAAY more downs than ups. It's a constant struggle, every day. I wake up, ask to be taken to school, if he says no then I'm pissed. I don't want to walk there, I don't want to take the bus, I don't want to drive myself because there is never parking, and I feel that he can take me if he doesn't need to be anywhere else. That's probably selfish, but whatever. I feel that I deserve to be selfish every once in a while.
I feel like he doesn't understand the fact that if he tries to make me happy, it will make him happy as well. Because if I'm happy, most likely he will be too. Sometimes it doesn't work that way, but I find it to be rewarding most of the time.
I guess really, I just want to be happy happy happy. I feel that I wake up and Cole always makes my day, but then I have someone living in my house who sometimes doesn't want to even look at me. It's so sad. I don't know how we got to be this way, but it's discouraging and frustrating. I want to give up on us so bad, but at this point I still can't. I feel like we've gone through way too much to give up. We've made it through a teen pregnancy, which to me is a HUGE hurdle, and now we're just struggling on actually being parents TOGETHER. I don't think either of us struggle to be parents individually. I pride myself on being the best mom I can, and I'm happy to say Andrew is such a great dad. It's just together that sometimes we can't just get along.
I'm so sick of it. I want to be a happy couple. I wanted to get married and have more kids! At this point, I don't know if that will ever happen. I hope it does, but if not, I just hope whatever happens is the best for Cole. Because in the end, I want him to have the best life that I know he deserves, and that's all. If I have to sacrafice my happiness for him, I know I will in a heartbeat. I'll do anything for him. There are no boundaries. He's my future, my everything. <3



Post a Comment