Sunday, May 20, 2012

Just imagine...

...When I was around 26 weeks pregnant, I applied to be on 16 & Pregnant (what was I thinking?!) I know why I did, I wanted to show the world that it's not exactly ok to be pregnant at a young age, but it won't hinder the rest of your life. In a way, I'm *really* glad I didn't get a slot on the tv show: I would hate all of the paparazzi, attention (a lot of times negative), not being able to have my "normal" life, and having people have an intimate look on my *very* rocky relationship during my pregnancy. The biggest reason I'd even *want* on that show, is to show young women to be careful when having sex! Especially unprotected. It may be "whatever" in the moment, but it's not so whatever when your fate is handed to you on a stick you pee on. I still want to show young women that you need to be careful, but to also have a plan if a surprise ever finds them. I feel like I can be that role model for young women who don't want to be in my situation, or find them self in a situation similar to mine. I really don't know how I want to do it, or how to get started, but I really plan to do something like that.

On a completely different note, this is something I've talked about with very few people and is very personal to me, but I feel like I should talk about it now.  In February, I had a miscarriage. My due date would've been in early September. It broke my heart when it happened. When I found out I was pregnant again(!), I was very mad at myself because I knew the consequences of this and how much harder my life was going to get, but a child is never a burden and always a blessing. Plus, Andrew was *way* supportive and excited this time around! A few days after I found out I was pregnant, I went to the emergency room for bleeding and small cramps. They let me go, saying that my hcg levels were extremely low and I'd have to wait 2 days and get my blood tested again. When I went back to get my blood drawn, my levels had dropped down even lower. I then waited a week and went to the OB and she made sure everything was ok with my uterus and thankfully, I'd had my miscarriage and wouldn't need medical help. I'm still heartbroken about it, but I know God has a plan for my family and now isn't the right time. I still want more children, even more than 2, like I'd originally planned! Especially after having an extra child this weekend (Andrew's 3 yr old brother) and how fun and rewarding it was, I *really* want another child. I know it's not always going to be fun and games, and it will be trying and frustrating most days, but it will always be rewarding at the end of the day. I just cannot wait to be a mom for a 2nd time! It's always nice to think about at least, even if it won't be for a while.



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