Monday, May 21, 2012

These are trying times, people.

Gah. These days have been so frustrating. I don't know if I'll make it through terrible two's. Not only that, but I'm stuck in my house I don't hang out with anyone, I don't even really have friends anymore! It's so maddening and I don't even know what to do. I find myself so short-tempered lately, and I feel like a lot of times it goes toward my sweet baby, which is not fair. Sure, he is more frustrating than ever, but it sure doesn't help that I will occasionally just yell. That does nothing! But, Cole is crazy these days. I mean seriously, I never knew that a toddler could make me cry at least once every day. He throws the worst fits, especially in front of people. He'll throw himself, hit me, scream bloody, and so many other things, it's so embarrassing. I almost always break down right there. It's just so hard to feel like a strong or good mom when those things are happening. It really breaks my heart every time. My sweet boy is not-so sweet anymore.

I'm going to keep trying to do my best, but soon, I think it will get to be too much. I need to get out more, even if it is just myself, so I don't get so overwhelmed with home. I also need to start working more so I don't feel so incompetent around here. It's just so hard only having one car. Who would've known that even at this age, I still feel like life is ahead of me, we're playing a game, and I have no idea how to play. I know I'm so young, but it's a frustrating feeling having such  grown up responsibilities without having the years or knowledge. I don't know if I really want these responsibilities anymore, and that's also frustrating, I made a choice that is here for the rest of my life without even thinking about any consequences, but here it is, laid in front of me, for the rest of my life.

I know this is kind of "complain-y" and sounds like I may just want to give Cole "up", but I don't. I made the decision to keep him when I did, and that means I'll keep him throughout the terrible two's and the even worse teenage years ;). Thanks for reading my rantings. Anyone else feeling like this lately?


Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you're feeling!

Carolina said...

Good! I was hoping I wasn't the only one! :)

Notes From A Ragamuffin said...

I'm definitely not an expert on this Carolina and I'm anticipating similar trials once we have our kiddo, but I think the answer to a lot of this is grace. It's a tough answer! You should really check out the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart". I have witnessed so many parents deal with their strong-willed children successfully by having a lot of grace with their child and not letting their emotions get out of control. I'm sure it's very hard!!

Carolina said...

Hey, thanks for the suggestion! I'll have to check it out! It's so hard trying to stay calm or to not show him my weaknesses. And since this is the first time I've gone through it, it's all trial and error!

Gmalone said...

Carolina I went through the same emotions you did, He's just growing, changing and will always be the sweet little boy you know and love. Talk to family and ask them for some free time.

Also try to remember the things you enjoyed before having Cole and start doing those again. It's tough, I know. I had my daughter right before summer and while all my friends were out and driving, they all had their licenses, I was in door with a baby. IT GETS BETTER, MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF AND ASK FOR HELP, it doesn't mean you're weak.
I'm here anytime :))

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