Monday, January 11, 2010

Its been a couple of days....

But, I'm back. And not well at all.
Andrew and I broke up on Thursday. I want to say it's for good, but at the same time, I don't want to see him go. I do love the guy, no matter how tough he can be sometimes. It's like I'm holding on to those days where nothing else mattered but us. And now, we're not like that anymore. Can that even be possible? It's only been a little over a year, I guess, so maybe it's just the hormones talking. but oh well. Life is so not grand at the moment and I want my old life back: when i wasn't pregnant. Cuz now that I am, I feel like everything I ever had or dreamed of doing, is gone. Vanished.
I don't know what to do with myself.
My main concern right now is college. I'm graduating this year, in May, and I'm super excited, but what do I do when fall of '10 comes around and I'm just about to deliver my baby? It may not seem that complicated, like I can just go to the community college in the spring or take online classes, but see here: I have a full ride scholarship awaiting me in the fall of '10 and a few other scholarships lined up if that fails. It's put me in a rut and i feel that I can't sleep because it's all I think about.
Not only that, but the baby's daddy has become even lazier. I don't want that anymore..before I got pregnant, I'm not gonna lie, we partied hard. Like rockstars, and I'm not exaggerating. It was unhealthy, hazerdous but it was FUN. It brought us together because it was something we did together, that we loved doing. & now, I can't and won't do that stuff and he will and continues to. It hurts that it seems like he's not gonna change at all. Because I'm already changed. Not completely. But I am.
I feel like I need to take care of myself. Not that he's always taken care of me, because i guess it's me always taking care of him, but I don't need him if all it's doing is causing stress. I don't know. My baby's not even born...does he/she already need a new daddy? Ugh :(



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